Drifting

Last week our family had a reunion up near Duck Creek on Cedar Mountain. One morning we drove out to Navajo Lake. We had a couple rafts and we all took turns taking the kids out on rides. Soon my arms were dead and so I let Asher and his cousin (both 4 years old) just paddle among themselves in water that was less than a foot deep. They both had life jackets, neither of them could actually paddle, and there were 30 of us all there watching them - no problem.

I kept glancing up and admired the fun they were having. I wasn’t noticing they were slowly, slowly drifting farther and farther away. Before I knew it, I glanced up again to enjoy their cute, happy smiles and was shocked how far away they were! They were no longer in ankle deep water, they weren't even in knee-deep water. They were out in the middle of the lake with no adult and no real way to get back! Sure they had life jackets, it wasn’t stormy, no crazy rapids or waterfall, and there was no imminent danger in them being so far away, but if something didn’t change, they would continue drifting away, farther and farther, to where it could become a serious problem.

So being a seminary teacher’s wife I think of the lessons we could learn from that. Many of us in life are like those little kids in a boat. We’re having fun. We’re doing good. We’re going to church and have that life jacket on to protect. We're surrounded by people that are there to help in a moment's notice if needed. But how easy is it to slowly drift away. It is happening so gradually, and so minimally, we hardly notice it is happening. Our daily morning prayers become more like occasional morning prayers. Our daily personal scripture study gets passed by because we’re still doing daily family scripture study. And going to this Relief Society meeting isn't that important. Before we know it, our personal spirituality is much weaker and we are much farther from Christ than we should be. But, at the same time, we’re still doing fine. We can see the shore. We’ve still got those jackets on. We still have a testimony. We’re not committing any serious sins. And, we’re having fun enjoying life.

The trouble is, if a storm did come, those life jackets may not be good enough. If we don’t change something, we will continue to drift farther and farther away. We don’t know what lies ahead or if we will be strong enough, capable enough to handle it. We NEED to be close to Christ.

When Asher was in that shallow water my older sister expressed concern about them being alone. My husband’s response was, ‘How long do you think it would take me to reach them?’ We could easily run in that water and reach them in a matter of seconds if something happened.

So what did happen? My sister in the other raft began rowing out to help them. She had a boat full of kids, and it was taking awhile. Once she got out there, I didn't know how she would be able to help them back so I decided I needed to swim out after them. I got out neck-deep, but that water was COLD and it made me nervous to swim out without a float for myself should something happen to me. I got a tube and swam out with that. Slowly but surely we reached the kids and helped them back to shore.

The same goes if we apply this situation to ourselves spiritually. Heavenly Father will always be there to help us if we call out to Him. How quickly he responds depends on how far away we are. The scriptures teach that he will be slow to hear our cries if we are not close to Him. Our trials, pains, struggles will be SO much easier if we stay close to the Lord and diligent in those little things. There are others around us that are willing to help as well, but if we want to be the Lord's hands and help bring others back, we need to make sure that we are spiritually strong ourselves, otherwise we may find ourselves lost like them.

Anyway, it was good for me to think about myself and where I stand in that boat. And I came to the conclusion, I could be doing better. :)

OCD and Being Considerate... or something like that

It's been awhile. I had my 5th baby. End of pregnancy and recovery was rough. Once I got past that, I can't say I felt like I was drowning, I just chose to put my focus elsewhere, like loving up on my baby! ;) Yet I still love the idea of writing and learning from my experiences, in addition to just living them and enjoying them.

Anyway, I've had some thoughts I wanted to vocalize, though as I type I have no idea what my goal is or what I think about it-just give me some outlet to express thoughts.

A friend of mine, (and I use the term friend loosely, she was an acquaintance in a past ward, ha) started a blog about OCD and being mormon. OCD stands for obsessive compulsive disorder. I think it has enlightened me a lot about the issue. Because I hear people throw out 'ocd' all the time. Any time they rearrange something or like something a certain way, it seems to always be followed by, 'I'm a little OCD.' Or even just using the word, 'obsessed.' We, as a people, use that word a lot. Your kid sees a new movie and they're 'obsessed' with it. Or a favorite chocolate, 'mmmm, I'm obsessed!'

I have never considered how terrible people that actually struggle with diagnosed ocd must feel to hear people claim they have it, or use the word loosely. Because they really are obsessed. They will spend hours and hours on something, hating what they are doing, knowing they shouldn't be obsessed, but can't let it go. They may miss something of great importance because they obsessively and/or compulsively are stuck doing something else, yet we give it the same definition as spending 15 minutes rearranging something. How terrible is must be to compulsively wash your hands, over and over and over, because they just aren't clean enough, until they are bloody and yet, they can't stop washing their hands.

Now to clarify, I don't think there is anything wrong with saying you're obsessed with something. It has taken on the definition, to not actually mean what it meant. Think of 'literally' or 'bi-weekly' - the definitions can now mean 2 completely opposite things?? So I get that. But I like bringing an awareness to it, to just be cautious. I guess, treat it with the same care as we do with people that struggle with infertility, who may have a hard time when they hear someone announce their pregnancy, or call it a blessing to finally have a baby, or how it brings joy you can't get anywhere else. Those are true statements and someone should be able to announce their expecting news with joy, even though it may be a dagger to someone reminding them of the pain they feel that they can't conceive.

So, I guess my point is that we should be respectful. Be wise. Be cautious. Be caring. Be considerate. Be patient. It takes understanding on both sides of the spectrum. We don't know situations of people around us and there is too much of  'my life, and you can just get over it' in the world.

Woman Who Touched the Hem of Jesus

We recently had a Relief Society meeting where we highlighted different women in the scriptures and what we can learn from them. I was given the woman who touches the hem of Jesus and is healed. There is SO much I could have said about her, and I developed a great love for her and her story as I studied it, but I was only given 2 minutes. I thought I would include what I shared here, and encourage you to look more deeply into her story, because there is a lot there -

In Mark chapter 5 we learn of a woman who has had an issue of blood for 12 years. That is to say, she had a flow of blood, so think of menstruating nonstop for 12 straight years! That alone sounds awful.

Under Mosaic law, if you had any bodily discharge, male or female, you were deemed unclean.You were unable to enter the tabernacle or even go near it, unable to make tithes and offerings, unable to eat any consecrated food, unable to participate in the passover, in essence, unable to worship your God or be cleansed, to feel that rejuvination, until the issue stopped, you waited a certain number of days, and followed certain cleansing rituals.

Along with this, anyone or anything you touched, also became unclean. It went as far as if someone touched something you had touched, they became unclean, causing these people to be avoided, almost shunned like lepers of the time, especially if it was a continuous problem with no end in sight.

So this woman had gone 12 long years, being labeled 'unclean.' I am sure she felt it herself, not being able to enter a tabernacle or worship, and having everyone around her think of her as ‘unclean'- someone to be avoided. For if they even touched a chair she sat in, they would become unclean, unable to worship themselves. Not only that, she had spent all her money to physicians trying to figure out what was wrong.

She probably felt very, very alone. She had no money, most likely no friends or any form of physical touch for 12 years. The pain, suffering, loneliness, helplessness this woman probably felt is unimaginable.

 
Now in the account we have Jairus, a patron or ruler, who had a 12 year old daughter who was very ill and had gone to Jesus asking for help. Jesus was on his way to heal this young girl, when this woman reaches out to touch his hem. She had no one who could go to Jesus for her to ask for his help as Jairus was doing for his daughter. Now remember by touching him, under Mosaic law, she would deem him unclean. He would be unable to participate in ceremonial activities. If it was a priest on his way to help this child, he would be unable to perform his duty. It was a bold move, and one that would have taken great courage and faith. But that is what she had. She knew He was Jesus, with the power of God and able to do all things. And when she touched him He felt power leave him. Her faith was so strong she pulled power from him and immediately she felt she was healed and probably wished to fall back, unnoticed. But Jesus stops. He is on his way to help a little girl that is about to die. But he stops. For her. For this woman who had been suffering from a trial unique to women. Men don't know what it's like. But he understood. And he gives her more opportunity for growth.

He knows who touched him, but he asks, "Who touchest me." Everyone else, this crowd of people thinking, what are you talking about, there are people everywhere. But he turns and looks at her. Scared, surrounded by all these people that have probably been unkind, shunned her for so long, uncertain how anyone would react, she steps forward and recounts what she is doing. In essence, she bears her testimony, in front of all these people.

Jairus then receives word his daughter has died. Perhaps if Jesus hadn’t stopped he could have made it there in time. ... Or perhaps, this miracle, her testimony of faith and the power of God could have strengthened Jairus' faith in Christ, so that it would be strong enough to allow Jesus to heal his daughter.

There are so many lessons we can learn from this woman. No matter our trial - poverty, loneliness, health issues, having been away from church for a long time (all things this woman felt), Jesus has power to heal us all spiritually, physically, and emotionally. He knows, understands, and cares about our individual and unique difficulties. He will always give us of his time, nothing is more important than you. It takes effort on our part, courage, faith, and we may be be stretched more than we wish, but by sharing our testimony we grow ourselves, and help those around us.

Patience... Again?!

In our church you can receive a patriarchal blessing at some point in your life. It is basically like a personal prayer for you to turn to for direction and find blessings if you live your life accordingly throughout your entire life. Anyway, one line in there talks about me. and patience. And I really think it is just what I will continually be tried in throughout my life and I sure hope one day I can master it. Because quite honestly, I'm terrible at it. And my anxiety issues just make it that much harder to overcome.

I feel like I've talked about this baby a lot. And here I am at it again. So the way they calculate your due date, I was given May 1st as an official date. Not a bad day. But very quickly I realized, this pregnancy is hard on me. And May sounds SOOOOOO far away. They allow you to induce a week early. THAT is what I am going to do, so April 24th. My NEW due date. :) I've never opted for that before. Even with my third kid I was having a few complications and I had to get monitored at the hospital. We were there, hooked up to monitors and they said, 'well, we can just keep you and induce you now...' nope. I wanted to wait. This time, there was no question in my head. I just wanted this baby as SOON as they would allow me. And I was going to have this baby no later than April 24th.

So... 9 months goes by, and I have April 24th marked on my calendar. Then, about a month before my due date I found out my doctor was going to be out of town. Not even just out of town, but out of the country! The entire week before my due date, AND the entire week before that (in hopes that maybe I would go into labor naturally at 38 weeks. Babies are still healthy then, and I have hefty babies. But he would still be gone. No way am I having a baby at 37 weeks, so my plans were shattered.

I really wanted to deliver with my doctor. But he wasn't going to be back in town until May 2nd. That is AFTER my due date. And an entire week after what I have told myself, and everyone else, for this whole pregnancy. I was faced with a dilemna which I have made so, so, so much worse than I needed to. There is no need to go into further detail, but I have worried and struggled with the decision, do I induce with this doctor I don't really know (or like), or do I wait for my doctor.

I got a priesthood blessing. It didn't quite give me the peace or confidence I was looking for. I wanted to feel like if I delivered with this new doctor things would go okay. Because I really am stressed and worried about delivering with her. I feel like I'm a wreck, and I'll still be a wreck if I go into labor naturally before my doctor is back because I just wasn't told I'd have peace and feel good or receive a confirmation that those on duty would be skilled and understand me and my needs. I don't know. I probably don't make any sense. Basically I want to enjoy my labor/delivery experience whatever it be. It could be my last baby, and right now I feel like I'd be too worried to enjoy it if I go early.

So May 2nd. Every day I hope I don't go naturally to avoid that stress I just mentioned. But at the same time think, but it sure would be nice to go naturally, and sooner than later. And everyone that was due after me is already having their babies. And I have to hear people ask about the baby, and I don't like talking about it. Ugh.

But what this blessing I received did say, and my point of this blog post, is that it said my body would do what it needed to, to prepare for this baby. Maybe you say that is the way of saying, 'stop worrying. It doesn't matter what doctor you have, your body will do what it needs to to have a healthy baby.' But for me, those words just rang inside from when I was going through my miscarriages. It was the same wording. And at that time, patience was a clear answer for me. Just have patience. So I felt like this blessing was telling me the same thing. Stop worrying. Stop trying to decide and spend all day every day wondering, 'will today be the day?' Don't set a date to induce early. If you go early, you go early. Otherwise just wait. The baby will come when he's ready. Your body knows what to do.

... But that was so hard with those miscarriages. I had to go forward with life. I couldn't let it occupy my thoughts the way I was, wondering is it going to happen today? But then I also look at my experience, and it happened not in any way I imagined. I feared pain. I feared bleeding. And my body just miscarried. Without me really knowing. It reset itself. So apparently my body can do it. But I have no idea how or when. I'm working on accepting that with this pregnancy. It will work out.

And I just went back and read this post. Clearly I am 9 months pregnant and out of my mind. I better just stop typing. :)

Bruised and Broken

I am pregnant with my 5th child. And I've had two miscarriages, making this my 7th pregnancy. And let me tell you, it is worlds different than my first or second. Really from day 1 I have struggled, nausea didn't go away like it did with others at 14 weeks. I felt huge and uncomfortable waaayyy earlier on. My heartburn has been the worst yet. I have felt impatient and discouraged and just kind of unhappy, despite knowing I shouldn't. I guess my anemia is to blame for some of those things, but this last month has done me in. Hemorrhoids came back, as they tend to do at the end of pregnancy. The baby sits weird and just puts too much pressure despite avoiding the things that normally cause them. I do everything to try and alleviate the pain but spent a solid 3 weeks in bed, M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E!

There was one night I lay awake, just aching from head to toe feeling like I could not move even if I put all my effort into it. I said to myself, "I feel completely bruised and broken." As I said the words, my thoughts immediately went to my Savior. Those are words I attribute to Him and His atonement, particularly from the sacrament hymn

"Jesus of Nazareth." I looked up the lyrics which include, "Life thou didst bring," "bruised, broken, torn for us on Calvary's hill, thy suffering borne for us, lives with us still," and "life evermore we'll know, through thee our friend." It made my thoughts then jump to Elder Holland's last general conference talk on mothers and comparing ourselves to Christ, along with turning my thoughts to a quote from the General Women's Conference this last weekend, "We make room for those we love" mentioning even a mother's body makes room for that child to grow.

Anyway, they were reminders of the important work we as mothers do and that we are bringing life, as Christ brought life to us. We are bruised and broken, suffer for our children, but again, that we are bringing life to that child and hopefully they grow up to be our friend- someone we love and they love in return. These children need us to come to this earth to get a body in order to fulfill God's Plan. It is all worth it. It is a sacrifice we choose to make and it is one way we can be like our Savior.  And yes, it reminds us of Him, and the suffering he went through is nothing in comparison to what we do. It strengthens my appreciation for what He did and I develop a greater love and closeness to my Savior.

Alma 7:11-13 
"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sickness of his people.

And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. 

Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me."

I love that. I know we have a Savior who loves us so much he was willing to take that upon him for me. He knows my pains- physical, emotional, spiritual. He knows the temptations I face. He knows my weaknesses. And he knows my sins. He experienced it all. But men can't say that. :) They don't know what pregnancy feels like in all aspects of depression that some women face, pressure to do good enough, the physical pain, etc. And yet Christ does. He has mercy, he understands, he cares and if we turn to Him he helps us through it.

Service

I attended the General Women's Conference and the theme for the night was service, with an emphasis on helping all of the refugees. As I listened my thoughts went to my cousin Crystal and I have to tell you a little about her.

Technically she is my cousin's wife. A little of her background-she grew up in New York, the Bronx, and doesn't talk much about her childhood. Living in New York you don't drive anywhere, so she doesn't even have a driver license, even now. She was baptized, moved to Utah, and married my cousin shortly after I was married. We were living up north when they began courting, got married and they lived around the block from us before we moved down here, so I consider her a friend. They have 3 little girls and she is pregnant with her 4th!

About a month ago she received a call that her mother had a stroke and was not doing well. She was in a coma, unresponsive, and didn't know if she would live or die. Crystal immediately flew out to New York to be with her mother and sister, who still lives in New York.

The two of them were trying to deal with the stress and decide the next steps with their mother when completely unexpectedly, her sister died. They couldn't say why, but it appeared to be a heart attack. ... I mean, how do you even begin to comprehend what is happening!

Her sister was married, but her husband did not handle it well. They have a 1 year old baby and he took the child and left to his mother's house. He did not go to the hospital. He did not go to see his wife. He struggled and basically just shut down.

So Crystal was left alone, to plan her sister's funeral and continue caring for her mother in a city away from everything she knows. My cousin flew out to be with her and they were able to stay for a week while my aunt and uncle watched their little girls in Utah. It was very difficult to leave New York and her mother, without having that assurance that she had a sister there to help care for her and visit, etc.

Now, to add even more to this story, I mentioned her sister had a 1 year old baby. Her husband has moved back in with his mom and they are caring for the baby together. But there is also a 14 year old boy they legally adopted just a month prior. This 14 year old boy is their nephew. He is their other sister's son, but this sister is into drugs, just not in a good place, and has been unable to care for her son. So her sister that passed away has basically been caring for him and just finalized the adoption process.

There was a big question now what would happen with this boy. Her sister's husband was now legally in charge of him, but the boy did not have the same connection to him as he did with his aunt, who was now dead. He wanted to go live with Crystal in Utah. He has known her his whole life, despite living on opposite sides of the country, she also being his aunt.

Anyway, what ended up happening was when Crystal and my cousin returned back to Utah, they brought this 14 year old boy to live with them.

Now I know what it's like to have three young kids and be very pregnant with your 4th. That alone, is not easy. Add in losing a sister. Add in having a mother on the other side of the country in a hospital and not being able to visit, talk, or help her in any way. And then add in, taking in a 14 year old boy. I think the stress of the whole thing is incomprehensible.

I mean, even little things like having a boy after all your experiences are with girls. Their oldest is 6 years old. Now you're raising a teenager? That is a whole new set of trials and scenarios this boy faces. The extra expense. Little boys are expensive. I can only imagine how much more expensive they are when they're 14!

I just have so much admiration for her and what she is sacrificing and willing to do to help. She truly is offering a great gift to this boy. She isn't thinking of herself. She is only thinking of others and their needs.

I think of the life-long benefits she will give to this boy. He hasn't had an easy life. But now he will be in a stable environment, go to church every week, learn of the gospel and develop some good, strong values. I was up there a couple weeks ago when he was walking home from school. He stopped by my Grandma's house for milk and cookies, along with my other cousins' kids. He just has this wonderful support system automatically built in because of family and the gospel.  It makes my heart happy to get a glimpse of what Christ-like love and serving others can do. I look forward to coming years and how this boy will grow and develop.

Going back to the Conference, as I listened to the talks, and thought of my cousin I realized I need to be doing so much better at serving others. I focus so much on myself and effects I feel. They gave an example of an object lesson a teacher gave. She had two people talk to each other, holding a mirror up in front of them. All they could see was themselves as they talked and they could not connect in a real meaningful way. Then they put the mirror down and replaced it with an empty picture frame. The focus was on that person. And how different the interaction went.

You can picture that. It seems ridiculous and obvious when you think about it. But if I take a minute, I think sometimes, when I am talking to others, or 'serving' others, I see myself, rather than that person. I don't really understand them, care for them the way I should, or focus on their needs and how they are reacting to the situation.

So basically that is my goal. I don't consider myself a self-absorbed person. But when I think of it that way, and how much I think about my stress, my anxiety, my needs I realize, yeah, I probably do think too much of me and not enough of others. Something else to work on! ;)

Easter

I was in charge of putting together an Easter program for our church and thought I would share it here. It was full of scripture and testimony from apostles along with music about our Savior, his atonement and resurrection. Obviously I can't include the same musical numbers performed in our ward (which were great!), but I can share the song which I hope at least conveys the message. I am grateful for the Easter season and the blessings that come and will continue to come, because He Lives.

Speaker 1: Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught, “Of the many magnificent purposes served in the life and
ministry of the Lord Jesus Christ, one great aspect of that mission often goes uncelebrated. His followers did not understand it fully at the time, and many in modern Christianity do not grasp it now, but the Savior Himself spoke of it repeatedly and emphatically. It is the grand truth that in all that Jesus came to say and do, including and especially in His atoning suffering and sacrifice, He was showing us who and what God our Eternal Father is like, how completely devoted He is to His children in every age and nation. In word and in deed Jesus was trying to reveal and make personal to us the true nature of His Father, our Father in Heaven.”

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.”



Speaker 2: While Christ was on the earth he set for us the perfect example of obedience, sacrifice, love, patience, and service. Though sinless, he was baptized to fulfill all righteousness. He went about doing good. He walked the roads of Palestine, healing the sick, causing the blind to see, and raising the dead. He taught the truths of eternity, the reality of our premortal existence, the purpose of our life on earth, and the potential for the sons and daughters of God in the life to come. He instituted the sacrament as a reminder of His great atoning sacrifice. None other has had so profound an influence upon all who have lived and will yet live upon the earth.



Speaker 3: Bruce R. McConkie related what happened in Christ’s final days when he said, “Two thousand years ago, outside Jerusalem’s walls, there was a pleasant garden spot, Gethsemane by name, where Jesus and his intimate friends were wont to retire for pondering and prayer. We do not know, we cannot tell, no mortal mind can conceive the full import of what Christ did in Gethsemane. We know he sweat great gouts of blood from every pore as he drained the dregs of that bitter cup his Father had given him. We know he suffered, both body and spirit, more than it is possible for man to suffer, except it be unto death.

We know that in some way, incomprehensible to us, his suffering satisfied the demands of justice, ransomed penitent souls from the pains and penalties of sin, and made mercy available to those who believe in his holy name. We know that he lay prostrate upon the ground as the pains and agonies of an infinite burden caused him to tremble and would that he might not drink the bitter cup. We know that an angel came from the courts of glory to strengthen him in his ordeal, and we suppose it was mighty Michael, who foremost fell that mortal man might be. As near as we can judge, these infinite agonies—this suffering beyond compare—continued for some three or four hours.



Speaker 4: Bruce R. McConkie continues, “After this—his body then wrenched and drained of strength—he confronted Judas and the other incarnate devils, some from the very Sanhedrin itself; and he was led away with a rope around his neck, as a common criminal, to be judged by the arch-criminals who as Jews sat in Aaron’s seat and who as Romans wielded Caesar’s power. They took him to Annas, to Caiaphas, to Pilate, to Herod, and back to Pilate. He was accused, cursed, and smitten. Their foul saliva ran down his face as vicious blows further weakened his pain-engulfed body. With reeds of wrath they rained blows upon his back. Blood ran down his face as a crown of thorns pierced his trembling brow. But above it all he was scourged, scourged with forty stripes save one, scourged with a multi-thonged whip into whose leather strands sharp bones and cutting metals were woven. Many died from scourging alone, but he rose from the sufferings of the scourge that he might die an ignominious death upon the cruel cross of Calvary.

Then he carried his own cross until he collapsed from the weight and pain and mounting agony of it all. Finally, on a hill called Calvary—again, it was outside Jerusalem’s walls—while helpless disciples looked on and felt the agonies of near death in their own bodies, the Roman soldiers laid him upon the cross. With great mallets they drove spikes of iron through his feet and hands and wrists. Truly he was wounded for our transgressions and bruised for our iniquities.

Then the cross was raised that all might see and gape and curse and deride. This they did, with evil venom, for three hours from 9:00 a.m. to noon. Then the heavens grew black. Darkness covered the land for the space of three hours, as it did among the Nephites. There was a mighty storm, as though the very God of Nature was in agony. And truly he was, for while he was hanging on the cross for another three hours, from noon to 3:00 p.m., all the infinite agonies and merciless pains of Gethsemane recurred. And, finally, when the atoning agonies had taken their toll—when the victory had been won, when the Son of God had fulfilled the will of his Father in all things—then he said, “It is finished”, and he voluntarily gave up the ghost.



Speaker 5: In John, chapter 20 we read, “The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulchre, and seeth the stone taken away from the sepulchre. Then she runneth, and cometh to Simon Peter, and to the other disciple, whom Jesus loved, and saith unto them, “They have taken away the Lord out of the sepulchre, and we know not where to they have laid him.”

Peter therefore went forth, and that other disciple, and came to the sepulchre. So they ran both together: and the other disciple did outrun Peter, and came first to the sepulchre. For as yet they knew not the scripture, that he must arise again from the dead. Then the disciples went away again unto their own home.

Speaker 6: But Mary stood without at the sepulchre weeping: and as she wept, she stooped down, and looked into the sepulchre, and seeth two angels in white sitting, the one at the head, and the other at the feet, where the body of Jesus had lain. And they say unto her, “Woman, why weepest thou?” She saith unto them, “Because they have taken away my Lord, and I know not where they have laid him.”

And when she had thus said, she turned herself back, and saw Jesus standing, and knew not that it was Jesus. Jesus saith unto her, “Woman, why weepest thou? Whom seekest thou? She, supposing him to be the gardener, saith unto him, Sir, if thou have borne him hence, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away. Jesus saith unto her, Mary. She turned herself, and saith unto him, “Rabboni”; which is to say, Master. Jesus saith unto her, “Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God.”

Speaker 7: Joseph Smith notably declared, “And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives! For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father - That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God.”

Christ lives. “There shall be no other name given nor any other way nor means whereby salvation can come unto the children of men only in and through the name of Christ, the Lord Omnipotent.” May we remember that and strive to be more like Him as we celebrate this Easter Sunday.

Speaker – We had someone share a short testimony about Christ- how His life, mission, and/or resurrection influenced his life

Our choir closed with this song, having a solo verse in the middle and the congregation joining in on the last verse with the choir doing a descant. It was beautiful and a perfect way to end the meeting.

Building

So this morning I was muttering in my mind how I hate giving my kids legos for birthdays/Christmas. They always request legos; they love legos; they love the sets where they can follow the instructions, build something and lose all the pieces the next day. I think I'm not alone in this... :)

My oldest just had a birthday, and he got 8 lego packs with different super heroes and vehicles for them. He was so excited to get them and began building right away. My son just younger had a birthday less than 2 months earlier and got 16 Star Wars minifigures with a few ships. Today, as I was cleaning them up off the floor again I was so discouraged the sets were all mixed together, with several previous sets, pieces missing, and what they worked so hard on, just destroyed. In my mind, it makes no sense-why do they like to get these things when they don't get to 'enjoy' them, they just get torn apart. Yet, when they get home from school, they will take those lego pieces and begin building all over again.

It just made me think about life and the way we 'build' things. Any mother knows what it is like to clean the house, and have it a complete mess an hour later and think, 'WHY did I JUST clean?!' We're building our home, we're building our family, but sometimes it feels like it just keeps getting broken down. Or at a different level, we work so hard teaching our children, trying to instill values and help them become great people, and yet, when they make a bad choice, we feel like everything we have done is a waste. They are not getting it. We failed. They failed. Ruined. Or, we are just going through our everyday lives ourselves. We are reading scriptures, we are praying, we are cooking, cleaning, family vacations, playing games, and going through life. And then... your husband loses a job, someone gets really sick, you fall into a pit of depression-destruction-and after the dust settles, you pick up all the pieces and feel like you need to start building all over, AGAIN.

We hear that 'again' and often put a negative turn on it. Ugh. Again. But our little children, that are working so hard to build something, following the instructions, doing everything right, when their little brother comes along, tearing apart piece by piece til they are left with a pile of pieces, they say, 'YEAH! I get to build it AGAIN!" It is not anything negative in their eyes. Building is the fun part. If they finish it, it's done, boring. They'll often tear it apart themselves just to build the exact same thing again. Think of puzzles. The fun is in the building.

Now, my oldest is 8, and I can start to see that 'human nature' of it being negative begin to come out. He will sometimes get frustrated when things get messed up, don't go according to plan, but his three year old brother just loves building and when his 2 year old sister messes something up it does not phase him in the least. Why do we become like that? Why can't we just enjoy the journey. Why does doing the same thing over and over again feel like a nuisance to us, when they find peace in it. 'I got this. I did it before, I can do it again. And this time, maybe even do it a little better, a little faster.'

Their building is never in vain. Even when things get destroyed, they had fun while doing it. AND they are learning. They are becoming better builders. They are able to understand instructions better the more they do. They become more creative learning what pieces can do what. I don't know, I feel like I've hit the rambling point on typing, but it was just something for me to think about. And just try harder to enjoy the building. Enjoy my day to day, sometimes monotonous things, or when things feel like they are thrown in a pit and ground into pieces, just start again without any whining or complaining. It's another opportunity for me to build and learn, yeah! ;)

Baptism / Holy Ghost

My oldest got baptized this last month and because it was for all of the children in the stake, we didn't know any of the speakers or musical numbers. I wanted Noah to have something personal to remember this day by so asked the grandparents to answer a few questions on video for me. Jack and I also answered the questions then I took bits and pieces of what everyone said to teach a little about baptism and the Holy Ghost.

It was a nice experience for me to listen to all of their words and pretty difficult deciding what to cut and what to leave in. My original video is almost 20 minutes long, which is long for an 8 year old boy, but I hope it is something he will love and cherish and be valuable as he gets older.

Here is a condensed version that teaches about baptism and holy ghost and why it is so important to us -

Is Heavenly Father Always Discouraged? Part 2

I made a video that included snippets from Noah's parents and grandparents about baptism and the holy ghost. For me, it was very special to put together. I felt the spirit testify the truth of what was said and the importance of baptism. My testimony was strengthened, and in awe, of the amazing blessings of the Holy Ghost. When you put that many people back to back talking about how the holy ghost helps them, you just can't deny it is an amazing gift from our Heavenly Father.

I was excited to show it to my son, my siblings, and our parents. But, what I realized as I watched it with them, they didn't appreciate it like I did. Noah just wanted to get more pizza and kept sneaking out the room, even my husband was in and out and I felt offended they didn't care about it.

This experience also led me to contemplate some things. When we have something so special to us, it is hard to have that rejected. And even if it isn't full-on rejected, when they don't appreciate it like you do, it is difficult to take in and a few things happen, for me at least.

The easiest way for me to describe it is to relate it to food. If there is a recipe I absolutely love, I get really excited when I can share it. In my head I think, "Oh you are going to love this!!" It's happiness to the core. And then when they eat it, sometimes they're like, 'eh, it's alright.' My heart sinks. "How come you don't like it?!" And I have gotten offended, like it is a personal attack on me, that they don't like something I like.

Or instead of a 'meh' reaction, I have had things just rejected. 'No. This is awful.' When I get that reaction, I handle it even worse. All of a sudden I question myself and everything. Something that I used to love I now think, '... maybe it isn't that great.' or I get negative thoughts, 'what is wrong with me?' When in reality, there is nothing wrong with me. And just because somebody doesn't like something I like, does not mean I should like it less. Their opinion of something should have no effect on what I think of it. I loved it. You can love it. Or you can hate it. But for me, I love it.

These thoughts are kind of random but when I was having all of these thoughts in my head saurkraut came into my head. I remember the first time I heard of saurkraut. I was at my friend Alise' house and her mother had it out on the bar, putting it on a sandwich. For one, it smelled terrible. Two, it looked terrible. And then her mom MADE me try it! She talked about how great it was and she talked it up enough I thought, maybe it won't be so bad. Oh. My. Goodness. That was the worst bite ever!!! How can ANYONE like that stuff?! I mean, I was probably 8 years old and I still clearly remember tasting it and thinking how terrible it was. Fastforward 15+ years and I had a reuben sandwich. Delicious!! I didn't quite realize it was saurkraut on that sandwich. When I learned it was saurkraut I was shocked. I remember trying that and hating it! Now... it's good. On this sandwich at least. But my goodness, as time has gone by it has become one of my favorite things! I love it. I put it on sandwiches, hot dogs, really, loads of stuff. And I think it is crazy how something I just did not get, I did not understand how anyone could like it, has become something I now love.

When I apply all of these thoughts to the gospel, which I'm sure you realized I was going to do :) I have learned some things -

The gospel is special to me. I feel the truth of it and it brings me great happiness. My testimony encompasses several things. Some of those things people have not come to appreciate or learn for themselves yet. Just because people don't feel and think the same way I do about everything does not mean they don't like me, it doesn't mean I'm stupid, and it doesn't make it any less important in my life. Perhaps they are not 'mature enough in the gospel.' Just because they don't accept it now doesn't mean they will never accept it. There may come a day when they love it just as much. We just need to hold fast to what we love, and not let go after we partake of the fruit like the people in Lehi's vision when it is met with mocking. We love it and we don't let other distractions pull us away. We hope and pray and be patient that others will come and join us.

I titled this 'Is Heavenly Father Always Discouraged, Part 2' because it all tied to my initial thoughts. And the same lesson applies. Heavenly Father doesn't give up when someone rejects the gospel. He doesn't think, 'All is lost. All the time, everything I did, was for nothing." (which is kind of how I felt after spending hours making a video 'nobody' appreciated) Of course he doesn't feel that way. And if I'm trying to become more like Him, then I can certainly learn a lot from Him and not feel that way either after any little piece of discouragement I encounter. :)

Is Heavenly Father Always Discouraged? Part 1

So February has been one of the busiest of my life, SOOO many things going on. But one of those things was my oldest son got baptized! Now I am normally someone that stresses about little things and my husband likes to call it being an 'idealist'. I like things to be perfect and want everyone to be happy all of the time. For my son getting baptized, I wanted him to be one of those little boys you look at and just think, 'wow, they have it together.' or 'they are so sweet.' or 'he must have great parents that teach him.' :) No, it wasn't all selfish reasons, but I feel like I (and my husband) have tried really hard to teach our children. We're smart people, diligent and dedicated to the gospel, we have family home evening every week and use daily opportunities to teach our children. Yet... they're still not perfect! Why?! Ha, now, you can laugh at it, but for me, it was a real struggle. For the last year it is a thought that constantly occupies my mind. "Noah is getting baptized next year! He shouldn't still ..." (lie about sneaking a cookie, or whatever it may be).

I have been stressed, and frustrated, disappointed a lot of the time and it has progressively gotten worse the closer to his baptism date it came. It bugs me so badly he refuses to sing the songs in sacrament meeting, or when I ask him to say a prayer he says no and will sit there for 15 minutes. I think, 'these things are not hard! If you can't do this you are going to fail in life!' But a couple things have helped me a little as I have been struggling with honestly, trying to be happy and looking forward to this day, and loving my son the way I want to.

One, my husband reminds me he is only eight years old. Eight years old. He's still young. Of course he isn't going to be perfect, and we still have another 10 years with him before he leaves the home-years full of teaching and learning. As I think about it, it makes me appreciate the gospel, that we don't have to be perfect to be baptized. That none of us are perfect and the gospel is a place for us to continually progress and learn. Let's be honest, some days I don't really feel like praying either. I can't stress about him not always choosing the right, when I don't either.

And it isn't until after we are baptized that we are really able to grow anyway. That is the FIRST step into following God's plan - it's the first ordinance we need to return to live with our Heavenly Father. And my kid made that choice. He made the decision to be baptized-we told him several times he didn't have to, so he's on the right path. Having the desire is a great beginning. It is after he receives the gift of the Holy Ghost that he can have it as a constant companion. The Holy Ghost is the agent that testifies of truth, activates the atonement and the ability to be cleansed from sin. He can now learn and understand what repentance is first-hand. He will learn and grow exponentially after he has this great gift from our Heavenly Father. And it made my heart happy that today, when we were in church, he opened the hymn book on his own, and sang all the words. It may sound small, but it meant a lot to me. It was a testimony to me that these thoughts and feelings I have are right - he really will learn and grow and I don't have to be so worried and think about his mishaps.

Along with that, if I look around at the world (which I don't condone comparing yourself to other people), but there is a lot of wickedness. There are a lot of people that do really not smart things. And those people, are Heavenly Father's children. Do I think he is up in heaven, always stressed and worried and frustrated about all the wrong things his children are doing? Yes I think it is disheartening and he wants the best for all of us, but I think he is also the happiest person. He does not let the discouraging choices of his children take over his mind and thoughts. He is still able to see the good and be happy with the small accomplishments they make. I have felt the need to be more like my Heavenly Father in just, being happy. Not focusing on what is wrong, but really loving my children and what they are doing right.

So focusing on our Heavenly Father's relationship with his children helps me learn about my relationship with my children. I can still be happy. I can still find joy. I can see their potential. And rejoice in every step forward. Noah is making forward steps.

The Greatest Commandment

I don't know. I've read the ten commandments given to Moses on Mount Sinai hundreds of times. I've had them memorized since I was an early teen.

1-son "Thou shalt have no other gods before me" - we need to love the Lord with all our heart
2-zoo "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image" - in today's world, this isn't necessarily statues, but replacing God with other idols, like money, material possessions, ideas, or prestige

*if you want to see the rest of my silly helpful memory tricks for the 10 commandments scroll down to the bottom

But even though I've been very familiar with them, and they seem like common sense now, yesterday the words just really struck out to me, especially when Jesus is talking in Mark 12:28-30

"And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all? And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord they God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment."

I still remember being in a seminary class and our teacher talking about the word 'all.' What does 'all' mean? 100% is what they had us write in our scriptures. When we are taught to have no other Gods before God, that means our hearts and minds need to be on the Lord, and not other things.  Sure, we can have other interests, but I think on Sundays, the day the Lord specifically asks us to set aside for Him, those other interests need to be placed aside.

I've always considered it a burden I don't have real interests. When you introduce yourself and they say, tell us something you love to do... I think... and I struggle coming up with things... spending time with my husband... going on family vacations... all my answers seem boring unlike other people that are full force fans of...whatever. But some days I see it as a real blessing. When I hear people talk about hunting season and that everything else in their life disappears I think, blegh. Their wives understand, they have their agreement, we won't see you for that month, or few months, or sometimes the wives get in on the action. Or people that are really into sports and say during basketball season, forget trying to get my husband to do anything.

So sure I've always thought of it as a blessing that my husband didn't neglect me. Because remember, that is one of my favorite things. :) I don't like to be placed 2nd to anything else. I like to always be the most important thing in his life. But just yesterday I thought... we're told our God is a jealous God. He doesn't like to be placed 2nd either. So that commandment is much harder for some people to keep and I feel for them. Because I just hear the emphasis, we can't put anything above God. Do we love hunting more than God on a Sunday in September? (is that during deer season? :) Or do we love God more than a Sunday in the beginning of February? I mean, do we have that same passion for our Heavenly Father as we do for other things in our lives? Love God with all our heart, and with all our soul, all our mind, and all our strength. That really is asking a lot more than what I've ever thought of. He should be what we love more than anything.

So yeah, I'm lucky in the fact I can't think of anything that would happen on a Sunday that would tempt me to put it above God. The closest you could get is if Disneyland called me and said, "Jill, this Sunday we are letting you and your family in free and it won't be crowded." haha, but honestly I still think, 'No, I couldn't go and enjoy it.' That's just the way I am. But just because I don't have something that fights for 'all my heart' I hear those words and think, I certainly could be doing better. It isn't just on Sunday. That is a commandment for always. I feel like I don't love God with all my heart. I want to have that burning all-encompassing drive, and that is a little hard for me because I feel like I've never had that passion. If I knew what it was like to really love baseball, then maybe I could work towards getting that same feeling for my Heavenly Father. Anyway, now I'm starting to ramble, but I consider it a challenge. And a challenge I am accepting. I want to have something in my life I am really passionate about, and I want that something to be my testimony of Jesus and Heavenly Father. :) After all, it is the first and greatest commandment.


Now for my 10 commandment word rhymes -

3- tree - (it has leaves, which has veins) - don't take the name of God in vain
4- door - (it has a keyhole) - keep the sabbath day holy
5 - hive - (beehives think of queen bee) - honor thy father and mother
6 - sticks - don't murder (with sticks as your weapon)
7 - heaven - don't commit adultery (can't get to heaven if you do)
8 - gate - don't steal (think of a gate protecting something, don't break in)
9 - line - don't bear false witness (it sounds like lying, but also a telephone line, don't spread gossip)
10 - hen - don't covet (your neighbor's chicken! we'd always say chicken instead of hen and laugh, I don't know why :)

They may sound dumb and not make any sense, but when you tell yourself them they don't leave. At least, it only took once to implant in my brain. :)

Love and Care for our Husbands

This month's visiting teaching message was on the Family Proclamation. To be honest I thought, 'ugh, family. I don't want to talk about that.' I guess I'm feeling a little worn out with them. But I think 1,205 times a day how grateful I am that I am not a single mother and that I have a husband by my side to unclog stinky toilets, move heavy boxes and kill scary spiders. I look forward to my time with him every night and am so happy when he comes home to give me a needed break. So initially I thought of the line, "Husbands and wives have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other." I thought, I can teach about that. I love Jack. I think I'm pretty good at that. :)

But then I thought about it a little more when I was trying to decide what exactly I wanted to say. Solemn responsibility to love and care. Sure I love him. I love that I have him by my side. Forever. I don't plan on ever leaving him, obviously. :) I look forward to our future together. But... even though I feel that way, I don't know if I necessarily show that I feel that way. And it took my thoughts back to a General Conference talk I remember liking a lot by Linda K. Burton in the April 2015 Conference.

She starts her talk by saying how much we love to see the apostles and brethren of the church interact with their spouses. She gave a few little quotes where an apostle gushes over his wife. My favorite was from President Boyd K. Packer, speaking of his wife Donna, "Because of the office I hold, I have a solemn obligation to tell the truth: she's perfect." Isn't that great?! We hear that and smile and say, 'That's cute.' But it made me think of how I talk about my husband to other people. I think too often I fear that if I say anything positive I'm bragging. To me, clearly Jack is great, everybody already knows that, so I don't need to say anything, because then I'm just rubbing it in their faces that I have an awesome husband. :) I don't know how that sounds to people. I don't know if people think, "Oh, that's silly." Or if people, think, "Yeah, that's probably true." I just feel like in today's world we hear so much negativity and wives complaining of their husbands I avoid that and think that's good enough. But I think we need to hear the positive things about our husbands. The apostles do it. Clearly President Packer has a pretty awesome wife; I don't think you can have a calling like that unless you have a very supportive wife with a strong testimony and desire to serve and love. But that doesn't keep him from letting people publicly share that he adores his wife and that they have a good, strong marriage.

She then went on to talk about those of us with husbands that hold the priesthood. She gave another quote from President Packer when speaking to worthy husbands and fathers: "You have the power of the priesthood directly from the Lord to protect your home. There will be times when all that stands as a shield between your family and the adversary's mischief will be that power." And followed it up with a quote from Ezra Taft Benson, "Oh, husbands and fathers in Israel, you can do so much for the salvation and exaltation of your families! ... Remember your sacred calling as a father in Israel - your most important calling in time and eternity - a calling from which you will never be released." I love both of those. It really brings to focus how special our husbands are and how much we need to respect them and that office. Again, there is so much in the world of this 'girl power' - I believe in treating women with the same kind of respect, but we can not diminish men to raise ourselves up to their level. Let's acknowledge their strengths and that they can do things, we can not.

She then talked about how we need to work together to lift the rising generation and help them reach their divine potential as heirs of eternal life. I like that because the rest of that sentence in the Family Proclamation is, 'husbands and wives have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other, and their children." By us respecting our husbands and the office they hold we are helping our children and showing love for them. The way we treat our spouses is the way they will expect to be treated/and treat their own spouses. I'm not saying men are better than women, but we've all seen relationships where it's like, 'Oh, mom's the boss in that house' or 'Whatever Dad says goes.' And kids develop that mentality. They need to hear us compliment each other and not demean or constantly 'correct' the other. We work together. As opposites, and equals and I love the analogy she gave of her hands. Our 2 hands look very similar, and they can do similar things, but in reality, they are complete opposites. That is like us and our spouse. And our hands can do so much more and are so much stronger when they work together.

The last part of her talk I loved was a test of sorts to see how we are doing. Five questions we should ask ourselves are -

1. When was the last time I sincerely praised my companion, either alone or in the presence of our children?

2. When was the last time I thanked, expressed love for, or earnestly pleaded in faith for him or her in prayer?

3. When was the last time I stopped myself from saying something I knew could be hurtful?

4. When was the last time I apologized and humbly asked for forgiveness - without adding the words, "but if only you had" or 'but if only you hadn't"?

5. When was the last time I chose to be happy rather than demanding to be 'right'?

Aren't those great? I could expand and share thoughts on all of those questions and things I need to work on, but just contemplate them. I wanted to close with one last thought that came after a Stake Relief Society activity the week I went visiting teaching. President Uchdorf's daughter was coming to speak to us. And I was surprised to see that her mother, Sister Harriet Uchdorf joined her. They turned some time over to her in the meeting for her to share her testimony. And I just fell in love with her. One of the quotes Sister Burton included in her talk I referenced above was from President Uchdorf and what he said of his wife Harriet, "She is the sunshine of my life." I remembered reading that earlier that week and thought it was nice, but actually 'meeting' Harriet and hearing her I just thought, "Yes! I can clearly see that she is the sunshine in his life." She just exudes a happiness and joy in you from being around her and listening to her speak.

So I made the decision I want to be the sunshine in my husband's life. I think it is all too easy to complain to our spouses. We've had long, hard days. And in life we have to be so careful what we say around other people to not offend or whatever it may be, that our spouses are our safe spot. We can say anything to them and know they won't judge us and still love us. But, I just think I need to be careful of that and not make that what I am known for. Because  my husband could probably say I'm the gloomy cloud in his life. :) I just feel so overwhelmed and want to vent and so he gets it. I don't share near enough positives. I saw a quote come up from Elder Holland, "There will always be more blessings than burdens -- even if some days it doesn't seem so." I hope I can see those blessings and share them with my husband and be his sunshine.

Holy Ghost

Sunday was ward conference and our stake president asked us to think about what have our prayers been about recently. What is the thing that we continually go to the Lord for asking for? What is it that we desire or need the most right now?

He then turned to the scripture 3 Nephi 19:9, Jesus appeared to the people in the Americas and it says of all the things they could pray for, "they did pray for that which they most desired: and they desired that the Holy Ghost should be given unto them." He challenged us to consider making that the most important thing we desire and we ask the Lord for daily. He talked about the importance of having the Holy Ghost in our lives. So if that is what we desire the most and realize how much we need it in our lives, what else can we do to ensure we have it with us?

He directed us to the sacrament prayer and the covenant the Lord makes with us. If we do always remember him, we are promised we will always have his spirit with us. Perfect! We have a promise from our Heavenly Father, that he will not break, and we renew that promise every single Sunday. If we try to remember our Heavenly Father and keep commandments, we can have his spirit with us.

Now I have four little kids, so I am sure he said many more great things I can't share, and I can't really convey what I was able to feel, but it was the truth of his words and that I need to have a greater desire to have that Holy Ghost in my life.

That feeling continued through the day when I went to Relief Society (I missed out on Sunday School having to sit in primary with my reluctant Sunbeam), but the lesson was from Howard W. Hunter. The first section is titled, "We must know Christ better than we know Him and remember Him more often than we remember Him." Isn't that what we promise to do in the sacrament prayer? We need to be better at that. It was just another push saying, "Hey, you can always be doing better. Living this way is a sure way to have the Holy Ghost in your life.

The next section in the manual was "Jesus is our only true source of hope and lasting joy." When our Stake President talked he mentioned how happiness is a blessing among those that have the Holy Ghost in their lives. Howard W. Hunter says, "Is there one among us, in any walk of life, who does not need hope and seek for greater joy? These are universal needs and longings of the human soul, and they are the promises of Christ to his followers." Truly it is the Holy Ghost we receive as we remember and follow Jesus that brings us the lasting joy our human soul longs for.

It was a good day to remember the importance, and blessings that come, from having the Holy Ghost with us always. If you want to study more, this is a terrific talk on the Holy Ghost - "The Unspeakable Gift of the Holy Ghost" by Jay E. Jensen.

Little Children

Saturday I was in our toy room, organizing, trying to go through Christmas junk still everywhere (we had been out of town so I wasn't that behind schedule. :) And we got a little fire pit circle thing, I don't know what they're called. I got it out of the box and went to carry it outside when I opened the back door I saw our dog, with a lifeless chicken in his mouth... ???!!! I yelled his name, he dropped the chicken which lay on the ground not moving and I hollered at Ezra to go get Dad. (I don't know what to do in this situation!) Ezra, being the curious boy he is wants to know WHY I want him to get Dad and comes to look outside for the reason of my shock and sees the chicken. He BURSTS into tears and runs calling Jack's name...

Jack came out to what we were sure was a dead chicken. He had me tie up the dog outside, with feathers coming out of his mouth and knowing he was in big trouble fighting me every step of the way. My mind is trying to comprehend the situation. I've heard that dogs that get chickens will just keep going back to them. What are we going to do with Charlie? Do we need to get rid of our chickens? Did he kill it?  How long did he have it? I was just in the next room, how come I didn't hear the chickens screaming or anything?? While my mind is focused on these things, Ezra is just bawling. The poor kid could not stop thinking about that poor chicken and his tender little heart was broken.

Jack went over to it and realized it was not dead, yet. He tried to get it to stand to assess the damage and it just kept falling over to the side. He finally got her to balance and he sat there stroking her feathers while she sat very still, her eyes closed. Ezra wanted to be right by her side so he joined Jack, kneeling, crying, stroking the chicken. We couldn't tell if the neck was broken, leg broken, but Jack thought he should put the poor thing out of her misery. He sent us inside and Ezra's sobs continued. I suggested he say a little prayer. As I sat inside I felt like, we have to give her 24 hours. He can't just kill it. It just went through a traumatic experience, maybe she'll be fine after her shock wears off. And so we agreed.

We got a box to put her in, gave it some food and water and she surprisingly started eating. Now, this may have been an hour after we found her. Ezra went out to check on that chicken continuously and would happily report every bit of news. She's eating! She's standing! She pooped! By the afternoon Jack went out to check on the chicken, who jumped out of the box! She went over to the coop with the other chickens. We watched her that night while all the other chickens got up inside the coop but she stayed out. Jack carried her in, but she hopped out. Well, I guess her feet are fine? That evening he tried again and she stayed in with the chickens. By the next day she seemed completely normal, though we watched her, but you would never guess anything happened.

This experience caused me to reflect on little children, and how much God loves them. I think a prayer from a little boy who turned 6 years old just 2 days prior is much more tender and has a special place in God's heart than ours. That isn't to say he doesn't hear and answer our prayers because I know he does, but our prayers, with perhaps more understanding, usually fall under the, "if this chicken is going to die, please let it die quickly." "Please calm our troubled son's heart." We leave the will up to God. But Ezra was just so intently focused on this chicken and desperately wanted it to live. His prayer was deep with pure intent, even with the little knowledge he has. His faith was strong that God could do anything. He sat by that chicken, cared for that chicken, rejoiced in her little victories. Now if the chicken had died we still could have taught Ezra some valuable lessons, but I think it was a sweet experience for him to learn that God cares about him and answers his prayers.

I can't think on these things without my thoughts going to the Savior and his experience with the little children from the account found in 3 Nephi. He calls all the children over to him and stands in the midst of them. He prays for them and their parents. The scriptures say, "No one can conceive of the joy which filled our souls." (3 Nephi 17:17) It must have been a truly amazing experience to personally hear the Savior pray for you and your child. Afterwards it records:

"And ... he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them. And when he had done this he wept again; And he … said unto them: Behold your little ones. … And they saw the heavens open, and they saw angels descending out of heaven as it were in the midst of fire; and they came down and encircled those little ones about, and they were encircled about with fire; and the angels did minister unto them” (3 Nephi 17: 21-24)

Jay E. Jensen in a talk titled "Little Children and the Gospel" points out that phrase, "one by one." We also see it in 3 Nephi 11 when Jesus first appeared to the people. The multitude goes forth and thrusts their hands into his side and feel the nail prints in his hands and feet, 'one by one' until they had all gone forth. Elder Jensen asks, were children among those? Were they given two opportunities to touch the Savior and be touched by Him? We don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were children with their parents when the Savior came.

We do know for certain the account previously mentioned in chapter 17 which we learn consists of 2500 souls- men, women and children (3 Nephi 17:25). We can only guess of that number several hundred were children, and he took them one by one personally blessing them--something that could have taken hours. It shows to us his great love and interest in little children and it teaches us something how we should treat them as well.

Children aren't always easy. When you're a young mom that is dealing with the constant fighting, whining, laziness, messes, lack of respect for people and possessions, lying, deceiving, scheming. Trust me, my kids are pros at that kind of thing (quick story to show I'm not exaggerating, they will decide on one of them to sneak out the window to go ring the doorbell to distract my attention while the other runs to the pantry to get a package of cookies to hide in their room, they were ages 3 and 5--full of these things). But, too often I let those things cloud my perspective of them and what God truly thinks of them. They are learning. I need to be patient and help teach them to use those clever skills for good. :) And pray daily to see them the way God sees them.