Getting into the Christmas Spirit

I have lots and lots of things to be grateful for.

I think there may be one or two people that look at this blog, so I guess they get to know before everyone else, yes, even some family, that I am pregnant again. It is a huge blessing. I have felt awful. That is a big blessing too. I still worry about 90% of the time, but the constant sickness brings some peace that things are going as they should this time. The first few days to a week after I found out I wasn't sick at all. I worried 100% of the time then. I read posts of people who were pregnant who complained about being sick. I wanted to be them. I prayed to feel sick. I got another answer to my prayers. :) But I really am grateful for it.

However, I have felt discouraged. Over the last 11 months, I've been pregnant about 8 of them. Yet I still have about 7 months left. And those first three (plus the last three) always seem the most wearing, which I keep repeating. I'm tired of being tired all the time. I'm tired of feeling moody all the time. I'm tired of feeling fat. I'm tired of feeling like I'm an awful wife and mother because I'm not making dinners or keeping the house clean and having my husband feeling like he should be doing more. He doesn't. He's ridiculously busy I should be taking care of him and helping him and not have him come home and feel like he needs to do more. It's been kind of hard.

Then I think about my blessings and look at those feelings I have. They're all negative. And I get mad at myself for thinking those things. I'm not being grateful enough, especially during this time of thanksgiving. Everyone around me talks about what they are grateful for and I think, what is wrong with me. I need to be more like that. I just feel out of energy and don't know where to get more.

I have one more month, less than a month actually, but I'll tell myself one month before Christmas. I want it to be a month of kindness, patience, love, thanks, giving, and unity. For November I had a thankful tree. Myself and the boys added things we were grateful for to the tree throughout the month. It's good to think every day of what we are grateful for, but I know I need to do more to get me into the Christmas spirit. I feel confident I can have an uplifting Christmas season.

Someone delivered a basket to our house last night. The boys eyes lit up as they saw the treasures on our doorstep and could not wait to bring it inside to see what it held. We looked at everything, and read a note. There was a children's book about Christmas and the things in the basket had things to do with the story-a snow globe, cookies, socks, Christmas lights, etc. The boys gathered around me as I read them the story. I started to cry as I read it. The book isn't really sentimental at all, but I felt grateful for my Savior and Heavenly Father who were aware of me. He knew I needed that. A quiet moment with my kids reading them a Christmas story.

That is what I want to do everyday. Read a little Christmas story, if possible with my kids. I think it will be nice. I hope everyone can remember our Savior, His birth, His awareness of us and everything He has given us, especially this month. And if it seems difficult, find something simple, that you don't always do already anyway, to help.

Remember and Record

Just a few things I liked at Stake Conference a few weeks ago.

We were taught to remember and record. We need to look for the Lord's hand in our lives. As we think about these things and write them down we will start seeing those times more frequently.

When our Stake President was a mission president, as his missionaries started looking for the Lord's hand, they soon began to expect to see the Lord's hand in their lives, because they realized it was so frequent. I know that when I am looking for it, it makes it much easier to realize it is the Lord's hand directing so many things in my life. That's one reason I like to keep this blog. It helps me to look for those times and I think it is so important to acknowledge my Heavenly Father, especially at this time of Thanksgiving. I unfortunately have not been doing good.

Another story I liked that our stake president shared was when he began asking his missionaries what they learned in the Book of Mormon that week. At first it was difficult for the missionaries to answer, but as word got around that they would be asked that, their answers became wonderful. They knew they were going to be asked, so they were looking for things they've learned. I just think there is a lot of power that comes from looking; knowing that we are responsible.

So when I set a goal to write a blog entry once a week, I need to look for learning experiences all the time, because I know in one week's time I need to record it. When I don't feel like I need to report, I start lacking. Even if I don't report on this blog, I have still been taught and am responsible to learn, grow in the gospel, and report my progress to my Heavenly Father. We can find examples of that in the scriptures.

So those were just a couple goals I set after listening to Stake Conference.

Gratitude

Um, I'm totally behind on my goal. Guess I need to post.

Yesterday the talks in church were on Gratitude. Obviously a fitting topic the week before Thanksgiving. There were two things I found applicable in my own life.

One speaker mentioned his children. You give them a piece of cake but they complain about the color of the frosting, when they should be saying thank you. Goodness do my kids ever do that. And it drives me crazy. You are giving them something, being nice, but it is never good enough. They want to pick their own, have a bigger piece, just one more. So I thought, do I do that? Am I given things from my Heavenly Father, but instead of seeing the blessing I am asking for something else? When my kids are getting along, am I complaining they are too loud? It just stuck out to me because I have been feeling so frustrated with my kids lately for that reason but I never once thought if I was doing it myself on a more mature level.

Second speaker just read a bunch of things we should be grateful for. It was humorous, but made you think. The lady who sings loud and off key who sits behind you at church, because it means you can hear, clothes that are too tight because it means you have enough to eat, taxes I pay because it means I'm employed, etc. So I need to do a better job at remembering that and looking at things that way. Thankful for the messes my kids make, because it means I have 2 healthy children.

There were probably 100 other things I should be better at, but I think making a goal to think about improving in those two ways is a good start. :) Happy Thanksgiving!