Temple Work

On Wednesday, January 9, 2013 I was able to do something that was an amazing experience and I was so grateful that I was able to do - it was initiatories for my aunt that passed away from Alzheimers.

I will preface my experience with sharing a little of my Aunt's story. My aunt was diagnosed with Alzheimers at a young age, about 53. It progressed very rapidly and she was living with my Grandma, who was about 86 years old. It was extremely difficult on my Grandma, not only to be with someone who became upset, and sometimes violent so easily, but was incapable of caring for herself making a messy, dirty, frustrating environment. On top of that, my Aunt is a bigger lady, and my Grandma is quite small. My Grandma finally decided to move to Las Vegas to be closer to my mom and put my Aunt in a care facility. 

When my Aunt arrived there, it did not go well. She would yell at the workers, get in big fights, and they were ready to tell my Grandma, I’m sorry, we can not keep her here. After an outburst, security was called, she was taken to the hospital to try and re-diagnose medication. She became very violent with the hospital workers and she laid strapped down for a few days. It sounds awful when I hear my mother recount when she and my grandma would visit her. Tied to a bed, scared, yelling, screaming, trying to get free. I cannot imagine seeing your daughter like that. My aunt died a few days after arriving, so naturally, my grandmother felt a huge weight like she did something wrong and also worried her daughter passed away angry at her own mother, who only wanted to help her. 

Back to my story, I now share some of what I wrote in my journal-  As I walked into the temple, gave my recommend and entered past the desk I was filled with emotion. I was doing something for my aunt, that she could not have done for herself. President Hinckley describes that as the truest form of love. President Monson describes it as us being Saviors on Mount Zion. I did not know how long she had been waiting, but I knew that she had been waiting. My eyes began filling with tears as I walked into the women’s dressing rooms with just intense happiness and excitement for what was about to happen. I managed to get my emotions under control as I changed and sat to wait. But there was no denying the joy that was felt, not just from me, but from my Aunt as well. And there was more waiting. It made me realize that me sitting there waiting for half an hour, seemed so long. I was anxious. And how my aunt must feel, and everyone waiting for their temple work to be done.

It was finally time to be able to perform the washing and anointing ordinances. I took her card, which I had been staring at, her name, her birth date, and the blank space next to “Initiatory.” I walked into the room, sat, and I don’t know how else to describe it besides happiness. I read her name and blessings were given. Boyd K. Packer has stated describing them “promising definite, immediate blessings as well as future blessings.” I could feel that and know that to be true.

They are amazing blessings given, especially when you consider the way my Aunt passed away, suffering from an awful disease that attacks your mind. I had complete, whole gratitude my Aunt was able to receive these blessings I have previously been promised and be reminded that those blessings also apply to me.

I was grateful for temples. I was grateful I was worthy to enter to the temple. I was grateful for the spirit that was felt. I was grateful for the promises given. I was grateful for the restoration of the gospel, priesthood ordinances, and my Savior Jesus Christ.

After I got home, my sister was able to do the endowment for my aunt. My sister visited my Grandma the next day to tell her about her experience. When my sister arrived at the veil she was overcome and could not speak. When my grandma heard this, she got excited and asked, “This was yesterday?! … What time?” My grandma had been feeling very down and depressed about my aunt. BUT at the same exact time my sister got to the veil (according to my sister and grandma's conversation), my grandma felt a peace. She felt a weight lifted, that everything was okay. She did not need to feel guilty for anything, and my Aunt was happy.

I think it is wonderful that temples bless not only the person the work is being done for, but those that perform the work, and other family members (my Grandma and Mother). You don't have to be a member, or even have a real understanding of what is being done (my grandma is not a member either), but she was blessed. Heavenly Father’s plan truly is a plan of happiness and if we follow commandments, those blessings of happiness are available to all.

Dinner Time

This may be considered a rant...there's your warning. :)

In Relief Society we were talking about "Becoming Goodly Parents" from Elder Perry's last conference talk and one section included having dinner as a family. I love eating together as a family, and I'm grateful my parents always made the effort to eat together as a family. I think there are great things that can be shared as you spend that time together every day.

Elder Perry said "Eat together as often as possible, making dinner a time of communication and the teaching of values." The teacher shared her testimony that dinnertime can be a peaceful, uplifting, enjoyable time.

One sister laughed. "Peaceful?! Dinnertime is anything but peaceful!" Then she went on to say that at dinnertime people talked, sometimes laughed, sometimes yelled, food fights, crude jokes, standing on chairs, etc. It was chaotic, but that (her parents as a child, and now her as a parent) never lectured the kids. It was a place you could do whatever you wanted, say whatever you wanted, and knew you would be loved.

Everyone agreed. Dinner should be a "safe place."

I get her idea. And I'm not to saying that is not what you should do, but that is not what it needs to be. Call me old fashioned, but I think dinnertime is a time of communication, but also teaching of values. I believe children should learn, for one, etiquette. The dinner table is not a time to be crude, or loud. If you're not happy, if you're throwing a fit, you can leave the table and go to your room. Yes we eat with silverware. Teach manners. Some people  don't understand, or even know how to be proper at the dinner table. I have heard people share stories on how they were so embarrassed by certain missionaries. I don't want my boys to be those missionaries. :) So yes, I think great things can be taught and it is possible to have a peaceful, uplifting, and enjoyable time at the dinner table.

(Note, I have talked with this sister a few times when I've mentioned my kids being crazy at the table and her solution is always, 'They're kids. Is it really that big of a deal?' True, on some things, but that is her outlook on just about everything. And for me, yes, it is a big deal. I think kids need rules. I think kids need to learn how obey rules. I don't think it is necessary to let them do whatever they want so that home is a place they want to be. Anyway, rant complete. :)

Missionary Work

That is the name of the Visiting Teaching Message this month and I felt a peaceful confirmation as I read through it.

For some reason, this week I have debating with myself on several occasions. I keep seeing things on facebook where people question truth, whether they are genuinely searching for answers, or are just misguided, and I wonder, "Is it my responsibility to step in and share my testimony?" Or is that considered "hi-jacking" somebody's facebook post or being judgmental, etc.

Each time I have decided- I am sharing truth. That is not being judgmental. There is right and wrong, not decided by me, by our Heavenly Father, and we are told to stand for what is right.

EXAMPLE 1-

Sunday I had a friend post about a movie. For some reason I get more upset when members post about worldly things on a Sunday, that probably is being a bit judgmental, but I think Sundays should be different than other days and more time spent thinking about spiritual things, not some Rated R movie that is awesome. Anyway, One person's comment stated "We have a Clearplay dvd player, which edits out offensive content such as swearing, nudity, and violence. We rented ___ on Friday, and it ended up being a very short, confusing, and largely silent film." My friend's response was "If you can handle offensive stuff, which is probably a bad thing, then I strongly recommend the full version."

It made me sad. Is that really how he thinks? He can handle it. And it's probably a bad thing, not that it is, and then put this violent, filthy movie on a strongly recommend list... My thoughts, "No. Your spirit doesn't handle offensive stuff, ever. Therefore, should not be recommended." I knew this was right, but wanted to turn to the Brethren to make sure they would say the same thing. I looked up the Strength of Youth pamphlet, which we have been counseled numerous times applies to us as well which states

"Choose wisely when using media using whatever you read, listen to, or look at has an effect on you. Select only media that uplifts you. Satan uses media to deceive you by making what is wrong and evil look normal, humorous, or exciting. He tries to mislead you into thinking that breaking God's commandments is acceptable and has no negative consequences for your or others. Do not attend, view, or participate in anything that is vulgar, immoral, violent, or pornographic in any way."

So I responded "Your spirit never handles offensive stuff. Strength of Youth strongly recommends not seeing the full version" and told my friend, we were still friends. :) You don't need to be rude, you don't need lecture them, but you can stand for what is right or share your testimony. I want to help others to not be deceived and that means speaking up.

EXAMPLE 2-

A friend posted "I haven't been to church in 5 weeks. One week we were out of town, the other 4 I have been called into work. Today I finally went and just during the passing of the sacrament  (15 minutes), I get two phone calls from work. No job is important enough to infringe on someone's spirituality. Time to find a new job..." That is nice! Good for him! But people's comments are saddening.

Instead of people commending him for standing for what is right, or offering sympathy, they are rude. He should be grateful he has a job. Just because he isn't as church doesn't mean he can't still be spiritual. Not to worry because he won't be considered inactive unless he doesn't go to a single meeting in a calendar month. Everyone just not seeing what he was saying. I didn't want to be rude to these people, but did not want my friend to feel bad about saying something so decided to respond- offering sympathy for his situation and applauding him for recognizing it. It isn't about being considered inactive, or not being spiritual elsewhere, nothing renews like taking the sacrament and seeing blessings that increase faith from making sacrifices and that I'd be praying the blessings come quickly ;0)

EXAMPLE 3-

A friend posted about her son's baptism and that he had received the Holy Ghost. Someone questioned "what does that mean he was given the gift of the Holy Spirit?" They were simply showing interest, and my friend tried to respond, but the girl still had questions, being clear she wasn't trying to 'poke fun' but just was trying to understand. Is it a ceremony? Does it automatically happen? Some people think you don't have it until you speak in tongues in public. Is it the same as people that say they were 'saved'"

My friend tried to reply to this girl's questions, but I felt like she was missing some points. I didn't want to step on my friend's toes by responding, but did want to try and help clarify anything, so decided to reply-

It is an ordinance and basically a prayer said by a Melchizedek priesthood holder. Anyone holding this priesthood can participate, and it is usually given by the father. Some people choose to do it immediately after the baptism, sometimes it is done the next day at church. They lay hands on the person's head, acting in the name of Christ and this is when they are officially made a member of the Church. They they say "Receive the Holy Ghost" which is inviting the person to receive that gift. The prayer is continued and the person may be blessed with anything the person feels to say (choose the right, be a kind example, etc) One of the Church's 12 apostles gave a talk about it if they were interested (and gave the link to Elder Bednar's Receive the Holy Ghost talk.

-----------

I've just been impressed of the many ways to share the gospel in the last 2 days. And it is probably always that way, I just need to look for those opportunities, or not be shy when I see those opportunities. I like that the visiting teaching message says "Others whose lives will be blessed by the gospel surround us, and as we prepare ourselves, the Lord will use us" and it is "our purpose" to help save souls.

I want to be able to have the Lord use me and have the courage and faith to speak if I feel inclined. Jesus Christ will come again, and I want to help as many people be ready when that day comes.

Lord's Side of the Line

I get to go to Relief Society again! And the primary program was Sunday and I got to sit in the congregation and watch my first born sing and say his part so well! It was great. I even cried. He is getting so big so fast. But back to Relief Society, the lesson was on staying on the Lord's side of the line. They showed this video. I remember Jack telling me about Holland's talk and I think this is great on so many levels-

Another favorite quote from the lesson-  “There is a line of demarcation well defined between the Lord’s territory and the devil’s territory. If you will stay on the Lord’s side of the line you will be under his influence and will have no desire to do wrong; but if you cross to the devil’s side of that line one inch you are in the tempter’s power and if he is successful, you will not be able to think or even reason properly because you will have lost the Spirit of the Lord.”

"Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions"

In the last month we've had a series of unfortunate events dealing with our finances.

It started with a notice from a credit card company saying our payment was late. ... We don't use that credit card and keep it for emergencies, so I was confused and to my complete shock I saw a charge posted I was sure I put on another card. I believed (and would have been 100% sure) I placed the online order on a card from our local credit union. We usually just use Jack's card and I had never used the one with my name before until this purchase. Shortly after the purchase I received a letter in the mail saying, "We've had unexpected charges to your card." Something like that anyway and I thought that was why the charge was not posted to the account yet. I had to call and clear it or something. I still have no idea why I received that letter since I obviously still have never used that card. Anyway, it was a simple $20 charge and now I was stuck paying a $10 late fee. For such a little purchase, $10 seemed like a lot and I was pretty upset about it.

A few days later we were walking home from the library and my little boy insisted on carrying a VHS he had picked out (Barney mind you, because it had a castle on the cover) :) Well while we were walking home we stopped for a minute by the skateboard park because he likes to run up and down the ramps. When we got home and he asked to watch the movie I realized, he must have set the movie down at the skate park and left it. We went back to get it, but it was gone. I had to pay $20 to replace a dirty, old, dumb VHS. I was even more disappointed.

Not a few days later we found out more disturbing news. Our taxes went up about $800 last year; we knew that. Because of the increase, our monthly payments were going to be going up to make up for the $800 we owed for last year, and appropriate it so this year we would be paying the correct amount, $1600 total. Well, we have never owned a house before and didn't realize this was not normal. But after talking to some people we came to find out the huge jump in our taxes was because they listed our house as a non-primary residence and we missed the deadline to dispute it.

As far as we were concerned, we filled out all the appropriate paperwork to have it listed as our primary residence. They never told us that the application was denied because the address on Jack's license did not match our house address (but when you look online at DMV's website it does have the right address?) and that they would need my drivers license number as well. We were basically told, tough luck. It's too late, budgets are closed so you can't change the fact that you owe $800 now for last year (for it being a non-primary residence when clearly it is our primary residence). And if we don't get the appropriate information to them in the next couple weeks we will have to pay the $800 this year too.

Then there was a book I sold on ebay. It was supposed to ship media mail for about $3, instead the note to ship it media was left off and it shipped for $13.

Yesterday Jack drove up to Cedar City (costing mileage on our car, his time, and of course, gas money) to take a test. When he arrived, he found out the testing center closed 3 hours earlier that day. Now he needs to drive up again today, and our car started making awful noises... So luckily we have another car, our van. It obviously uses more gas, and our allotted budget for gas is gone this month, but he will have to fill up the van to drive it up.

So he felt really bad. We've already had all these excess, unexpected costs so we're trying extra hard to save money any way we can, and now he's having to drive to Cedar two days in a row and take the van on one of those trips.

I feel comforted though. Normally I would stress out and get really depressed or angry at either my own stupidity or the frustration of dealing with other people. I'm leaving out a couple other ridiculous hoops we've had to jump through on behalf of other people not doing their jobs in the last couple weeks. And probably a handful of other costs I'm choosing to block out :) Anyway, I just feel like it's not a big deal. It's money. But we're not struggling to survive; we have good health, and plenty of other blessings. These costs come at a time when we just received a tax return, so though we would've liked the money to go to savings and other things of worth, it isn't hurting us. And that's nice.

It's nice I feel a sense of accomplishment too. Like I am beating this trial. Those first expenses (which are so little yet seemed huge) got me upset in the beginning. But after I've seen one thing after another I've finally decided I am not going to let it get me down. I am in charge of my attitude and feelings. I want to remain happy and positive for my family. Lately I just keep having come to my mind Nephi's psalm 2 Nephi chapter 4-

 26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath ^avisited men in so much ^bmercy, ^cwhy should my ^dheart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?

 27 And why should I ^ayield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to ^btemptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my ^cpeace and afflict my soul? Why am I ^dangrybecause of mine enemy?

 28 Awake, my soul! No longer ^adroop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the ^benemy of my soul.

 29 Do not ^aanger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.

 30 Rejoice, O my ^aheart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the ^brock of my salvation.

Why would I let these things block my peace and happiness making me weak? I need to Awake and rejoice in the Lord. It's all around a better place to be. :)

Family Home Evening

I've been absent for a little while as I've tried to write in my journal with more personal things. But I don't want to give up on posting experiences I've had, lessons I've learned or things of importance to me. Today it is on Family Home Evening. The church encourages designating Monday night as a time to spend as a family with song, prayer, lesson, and building relationships which usually includes a game and treat! :)

Our family has done Family Home Evening every Monday since Jack and I got married (for the most part) and as our kids started getting older we tried to include them more and teach lessons applicable to them. Unfortunately our almost four year old has put up a bit of a struggle recently. It had us confused since we've always done it and he usually loves it. Last Monday we let him go to bed and had it without him. Discouraged I planned a special one for the next night and he was happy to participate. Yesterday we were able to do it again and as our family sat together on the couch watching a video portraying a true story from the prophet Heber J. Grant, I felt a great love for them and for Family Home Evenings.



There is something special about teaching your children how Jesus loves us and wants us to love others. We pay tithing and fast offerings to help other people and it makes us happy to be able to give to others who do not have what we have. It is nice to be able to feel the spirit as a family and watch your children learning to recognize that spirit by getting a feeling of happiness. Ezra sat calm and quietly, focused on the little child (which is very rare for that ball of energy) and smiled in a sweet voice saying, "He's happy!" at the end. When we help others we are happy and we can help others be happy as well.

Modesty

I've seen a few articles and ads pop up recently making fun of modesty. It too, is starting to become a negative thing that you can not teach or you're deemed evil. One article in particular that caused me a lot of grief described modesty in doing the following things- Feeling like what you look like is what matters most of all; you are always on display; contributes to eating disorders; women are decorations; not human, and more. The author felt like they couldn't grow normal and had to look like an adolescent boy so not to draw attention from men. She closed with the statement "Modesty is a philosophy that dehumanizes. It incites constant fear and vigilance in one sex while excusing the other of all responsibility. It's immoral."

How has modesty become something defined as 'immoral?' Modesty does not do those things. If it is taught poorly or you are surrounded by people that make your dress seems most important I can see where problems may arise. However, modesty taught correctly will bring self-respect. The church offers a clear definition of modesty that can be found here. It teaches "Modesty is an attitude of propriety and decency in dress, grooming, language, and behavior. We seek to 'glorify God in [our] body, and in [our] spirit" (1 Corinthians 6:20). I like that it teaches it is more than dress but includes grooming, language and behavior. It encourages looking neat and clean, embracing you are a female and God's child. It shows gratitude and understanding of our precious bodies. It invites the Holy Ghost to be with us. When we understand modesty and have the Holy Ghost with us we will not fall into Satan's trap of using modesty to destroy one's body and image.

A few comments agreed the author's definition of modesty was not accurate, but that it is how it is taught. I can not say what people hear from local church leaders (and obviously the world will teach modesty wrong), but we can always turn to the Brethren. A few argued this and felt modesty was taught more than it should instead of things of more importance like self-worth. I found in a quick search on lds.org that in most, if not all, talks referring to modesty address that we are children of God and loved by Him. In a General Conference search 38 talks show under 'modesty' but 2,212 come up under "child of God." We need to remember we are children of a Heavenly Father who loves us and our bodies are gifts from Him that we need to respect and take care of. I think that is a primary focus taught by the Church.

Another argument was men are off the hook-modesty teaches girls are the problem and it does not leave men with any responsibility. In my experience there are far more talks on pornography than modesty. The pornography talks are addressed primarily to the men (just as modesty talks are usually addressed to women though both doctrines apply to both sexes) and teaches the evil of it. Men are pleaded to stay away from it. If a woman is dressed immodestly, even in her own backyard as one suggested, she is not the one to blame. Most are familiar with the story of David and Bathsheba and it is David's sin. He is punished. That is not to say that yes, women can play a role and we should dress modestly so not to distract or be an enticement. I think many, myself included, are/were unaware of the effect we can have on men, especially in the adolescent ages. A talk that has received a lot of critique was by Elder Oaks entitled Pornography. Note the title. Elder Oaks teaches the 'wickedness in their hearts' referring to a scripture and men participating in pornography. There is one sentence addressed to young women-"Please understand that if you dress immodestly, you are magnifying this problem by becoming pornography to some of the men who see you." This is not a talk directed to women teaching modesty. It  merely brings attention to something you may never have considered. We should want to help protect those we love and encourage men to stay away from this damaging evil.

I would hope that we can understand the true principle of modesty and seek to glorify our God by striving to be modest in our dress, actions, and words.

Knowledge

So my heart has been sad as I have seen some good friends of ours start posting things, supporting ideas, and articles from anti-mormons. They still are 'strong' in the faith of Jesus Christ, but it is a dangerous road to go down and it makes me worry about them.

I remember a talk given in General Conference not long ago that warned the rich and the wise. These 2 groups of people will have the hardest time keeping their testimonies strong, and this is what I thought of when my friends started posting these things. They are intellectuals. They are smart people and study a lot with degrees in theology, intellectual history, and political thought. Not that these are bad things, and we are supposed to seek knowledge in all areas, but this warning given in General Conference, stemming from the scripture found in 2 Nephi 9:42 "And whoso knocketh, to him will he open; and the wise, and the learned, and they that are rich, who are puffed up because of their learning, and their wisdom, and their riches-yea, they are they whom he despiseth; and save they shall cast these things away, and consider themselves fools before God, and come down in the depths of humility, he will not open unto them" seems apparent today.

I came across this talk given by Quentin L. Cook and thought it had some great things to say about how we gain knowledge. It is entitled, "Strengthen Faith As You Seek Knowledge. In the article he lists 5 principles he finds essential as you place faith in Jesus Christ at the center of your lives as you diligently seek knowledge.

1. Understand there is truly opposition in all things. The choices you make are critical.

2. Strengthen your own testimony as a foundation for all of the choices you make.

3. Seek knowledge diligently, wisely, and humbly.

4. Follow the prophet's counsel as you make your choices.

5. Live so the Atonement can be fully efficacious in your life.

My favorite of these principles is number 4. We need to support the prophet always. If we are finding ideas that are contrary to truths taught by the prophet, or I believe any called to the Quorum of the Twelve, we need to re-consider this 'new-found knowledge.'

In a Worldwide Leadership Meeting, President Hinckley said,

"No one need tell you that we are living in a very difficult season in the history of the world. Standards are dropping everywhere. Nothing seems to be sacred anymore. ... I do not know that things were worse in the times of Sodom and Gomorrah. ... I think our Father must weep as He looks down upon His wayward sons and daughters. We must not give up. We must not become discouraged. We must never surrender to the forces of evil. ... If it means standing alone, we must do it. But we shall not be alone."

I know that the world is moving in a way to make right seem wrong. If you teach there is a right and a wrong, you are considered judgmental. They insist we need to accept everybody and let them choose for themselves. People are free to choose. But our choices are either to "choose  liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil" (2 Nephi 2:27).

We need to make sure that we are always standing for the right. There will always be opposition, but as we strengthen our testimony in Jesus Christ and use that as a foundation, seek to remain humble, follow the prophet, and utilize the Atonement daily in our lives we will remain strong through Satan's tactics to get us off the path.

Service

I moved away from home to attend college, a really long time ago. Once I got married, we were still several hours away from my parents. My/our first year or two of college I had a sibling close by. There is a lot of strength that comes from having family close. When you need a babysitter, when you need someone to spend time with, when you need help. They are your insta-friend.

I haven't had that benefit for awhile now and things can be hard sometimes. Particularly when you are really sick, have kids, pregnant and hungry, not capable of making food, and no car to get some to provide for your family. There is no 'mom, can you bring me dinner', or 'sister, please come and take my kids for a little bit', or 'can you please run to the store for me and pick up some bread and milk.' Many of you would probably think, "That's why it's so great to be a member of the church. You have visiting teachers and people all around you willing to help." I have struggled with that. I've had 2 kids, and only one meal brought to me by someone that wasn't family. I've never just dropped my kids off at someone's house before. I don't like to inconvenience people and if my visiting teacher never offers if there is anything they can do, I don't feel like I can ask.

Well, don't worry, I'm not about to bad-mouth everyone around me and throw myself a pity party. I just learned something a week ago. I was pretty much over my really sick stage, but still just tired and lots of things brought on the gag reflex. The girls I do preschool with were over at my house for preschool when one of the moms turned on our sink without my knowledge. (Our sink leaks, there was a bowl underneath that was about to overflow, so I couldn't turn on the water, and I couldn't empty it, because it makes me gag). I apologized for the dirty dishes in the sink and said I couldn't wash them because I couldn't turn on our sink. During the conversation I also mentioned I was expecting. I wasn't asking for anything, just giving my excuse for the mess. As soon as they heard that though, they immediately went to work-took everything out from underneath, cleaned up everything that had overflowed everywhere from her turning on the sink, emptied the bowl, and took the dishes home that were in the sink, that I couldn't wash, to clean and bring back to me. Wow. I didn't ask them for any of that and they just did it.

So let's be honest, I still probably don't feel comfortable asking you to watch my kids, when you already have your own and babysit another mom's who works. I probably won't ask you to bring me dinner, because I know you're struggling financially. But I will ask to borrow a diaper when my son runs out in the middle of the day. :)

It just taught me about others' willingness to serve and put others before themselves. King Benjamin taught a great discourse on service and I've been familiar with "when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God" that is quoted all the time. I do enjoy participating in service and had a strong testimony of that end of it. This experience taught me the other end of that service. King Benjamin also says "And behold also, if I whom ye call your king, who has spent his days in your service, and yet has been in the service of God, do merit any thanks from you, O how you ought to thank your heavenly king." (Mosiah 2:16,19) I was sure to thank the girls that helped me, but its important to remember to thank our Heavenly Father as well when we receive those things.

Getting into the Christmas Spirit

I have lots and lots of things to be grateful for.

I think there may be one or two people that look at this blog, so I guess they get to know before everyone else, yes, even some family, that I am pregnant again. It is a huge blessing. I have felt awful. That is a big blessing too. I still worry about 90% of the time, but the constant sickness brings some peace that things are going as they should this time. The first few days to a week after I found out I wasn't sick at all. I worried 100% of the time then. I read posts of people who were pregnant who complained about being sick. I wanted to be them. I prayed to feel sick. I got another answer to my prayers. :) But I really am grateful for it.

However, I have felt discouraged. Over the last 11 months, I've been pregnant about 8 of them. Yet I still have about 7 months left. And those first three (plus the last three) always seem the most wearing, which I keep repeating. I'm tired of being tired all the time. I'm tired of feeling moody all the time. I'm tired of feeling fat. I'm tired of feeling like I'm an awful wife and mother because I'm not making dinners or keeping the house clean and having my husband feeling like he should be doing more. He doesn't. He's ridiculously busy I should be taking care of him and helping him and not have him come home and feel like he needs to do more. It's been kind of hard.

Then I think about my blessings and look at those feelings I have. They're all negative. And I get mad at myself for thinking those things. I'm not being grateful enough, especially during this time of thanksgiving. Everyone around me talks about what they are grateful for and I think, what is wrong with me. I need to be more like that. I just feel out of energy and don't know where to get more.

I have one more month, less than a month actually, but I'll tell myself one month before Christmas. I want it to be a month of kindness, patience, love, thanks, giving, and unity. For November I had a thankful tree. Myself and the boys added things we were grateful for to the tree throughout the month. It's good to think every day of what we are grateful for, but I know I need to do more to get me into the Christmas spirit. I feel confident I can have an uplifting Christmas season.

Someone delivered a basket to our house last night. The boys eyes lit up as they saw the treasures on our doorstep and could not wait to bring it inside to see what it held. We looked at everything, and read a note. There was a children's book about Christmas and the things in the basket had things to do with the story-a snow globe, cookies, socks, Christmas lights, etc. The boys gathered around me as I read them the story. I started to cry as I read it. The book isn't really sentimental at all, but I felt grateful for my Savior and Heavenly Father who were aware of me. He knew I needed that. A quiet moment with my kids reading them a Christmas story.

That is what I want to do everyday. Read a little Christmas story, if possible with my kids. I think it will be nice. I hope everyone can remember our Savior, His birth, His awareness of us and everything He has given us, especially this month. And if it seems difficult, find something simple, that you don't always do already anyway, to help.

Remember and Record

Just a few things I liked at Stake Conference a few weeks ago.

We were taught to remember and record. We need to look for the Lord's hand in our lives. As we think about these things and write them down we will start seeing those times more frequently.

When our Stake President was a mission president, as his missionaries started looking for the Lord's hand, they soon began to expect to see the Lord's hand in their lives, because they realized it was so frequent. I know that when I am looking for it, it makes it much easier to realize it is the Lord's hand directing so many things in my life. That's one reason I like to keep this blog. It helps me to look for those times and I think it is so important to acknowledge my Heavenly Father, especially at this time of Thanksgiving. I unfortunately have not been doing good.

Another story I liked that our stake president shared was when he began asking his missionaries what they learned in the Book of Mormon that week. At first it was difficult for the missionaries to answer, but as word got around that they would be asked that, their answers became wonderful. They knew they were going to be asked, so they were looking for things they've learned. I just think there is a lot of power that comes from looking; knowing that we are responsible.

So when I set a goal to write a blog entry once a week, I need to look for learning experiences all the time, because I know in one week's time I need to record it. When I don't feel like I need to report, I start lacking. Even if I don't report on this blog, I have still been taught and am responsible to learn, grow in the gospel, and report my progress to my Heavenly Father. We can find examples of that in the scriptures.

So those were just a couple goals I set after listening to Stake Conference.

Gratitude

Um, I'm totally behind on my goal. Guess I need to post.

Yesterday the talks in church were on Gratitude. Obviously a fitting topic the week before Thanksgiving. There were two things I found applicable in my own life.

One speaker mentioned his children. You give them a piece of cake but they complain about the color of the frosting, when they should be saying thank you. Goodness do my kids ever do that. And it drives me crazy. You are giving them something, being nice, but it is never good enough. They want to pick their own, have a bigger piece, just one more. So I thought, do I do that? Am I given things from my Heavenly Father, but instead of seeing the blessing I am asking for something else? When my kids are getting along, am I complaining they are too loud? It just stuck out to me because I have been feeling so frustrated with my kids lately for that reason but I never once thought if I was doing it myself on a more mature level.

Second speaker just read a bunch of things we should be grateful for. It was humorous, but made you think. The lady who sings loud and off key who sits behind you at church, because it means you can hear, clothes that are too tight because it means you have enough to eat, taxes I pay because it means I'm employed, etc. So I need to do a better job at remembering that and looking at things that way. Thankful for the messes my kids make, because it means I have 2 healthy children.

There were probably 100 other things I should be better at, but I think making a goal to think about improving in those two ways is a good start. :) Happy Thanksgiving!

Getting Answers

Before General Conference I made a list of questions I wanted answered. I remember close to 10 years ago when an Institute teacher taught me to do this and promised we'd receive the answers we were looking for.

This year my list was a little longer and a little more specific. Some things have been bothering me lately and I wanted to know what I needed to be doing to overcome that. The first talk on Saturday morning I loved. The talk that followed addressed one of the things on my list and I was excited to receive more answers. However, my energy slowed as talk after talk came and I felt like it wasn't what I was looking for. It wasn't until Elder Hales' talk in the Sunday morning session I felt like I got another answer.

He said, "We may not know when or how the Lord's answers will be given, but in His time and His way, I testify, His answers will come." As I was thinking about me not receiving my answers, that stuck out to me and I realized that I didn't have to get all the questions listed on my paper answered right now. None of my questions were really about enduring trials, which I feel a lot of his talk focused on, but it was still what I needed to hear, in my circumstance.

A couple of my favorites from his talk-

"What, then, does it mean to wait upon the Lord? In the scriptures, the word wait means to hope, to anticipate, and to trust. To hope and trust in the Lord requires faith, patience, humility, meekness, long-suffering, keeping the commandments, and enduring to the end."

"Waiting upon the Lord means pondering in our hearts and 'receiv[ing] the Holy Ghost' so that we can know 'all things what [we] should do."

I just loved this, because even though I've had my recent learning experience of having patience through trials and trusting in God, I need to use those same tools to get personal answers. And with the companionship of the Holy Ghost, I can know all things what I should do.

So this talk brought me a lot of relief. While watching Conference I felt this pressure that I needed to get everything on my list answered or else I must not have listened closely enough. But during Elder Hales talk I felt like I got my answer to everything, even though they weren't direct answers. Keep living righteously. Be patient. Look and listen for answers.

I was at church the next Sunday when I received a Relief Society flier and I got really excited! It was soliciting for a meeting that Tuesday where the whole theme fit one of the things on my list. I felt, "Perfect!" This is where I am going to get my answers.

During the meeting Tuesday I listened for the spirit to nudge me on what I needed to do. And I am happy to report in one of the workshops I felt inspired to do two things and received a handout I'd still like to read through and see if there is anything else I need to hear.

So basically, I am grateful for General Conference twice a year where I feel a little more pressured to evaluate my life and see if there are any questions I'd like answered. To listen to a living prophet and apostles speak inspired words. And to be worthy to have the Holy Ghost to teach me and give me all the answers I need.

Clear Mind

So I've had a big learning month. I felt my testimony strengthened in a variety of ways. Yesterday was where everyone is given the opportunity to share their testimony during sacrament meeting. I felt like I needed to, so I thought about everything I have gained a deeper insight of or appreciation for. I prayed before going to church, that I would have the spirit with me to know what to say, and if or when I should go up to share.

Well our family left for church, but while the deacons were passing the sacrament our kids started their wiggles. And they kept it up, and it escalated. And my patience was doing the opposite. I was getting frustrated and felt the spirit leaving me. Testimonies started and after a minute of silence, my kids bothering me, I figured it was a good time for me to go ahead and get up.

I got up there, and my thoughts from before of things I've learned went cloudy. I couldn't focus. I didn't just turn around and walk back down :) but I didn't get to share the things I wanted to. Maybe some people were hopefully able to get something out of it, but it was a quick learning experience for me. The spirit keeps our minds clear and focused; it helps us to know what to say, and I didn't have it with me as much as I would have liked. Next time I need to wait until I am not flustered with my children and the spirit prompts me to get up. Testimony doesn't have the same power or effect when I don't.

Dissemble

There is a hymn we sing often and my Dad recently pointed out one of the words in it that I realized I never knew its meaning. The word-dissemble. I always figured it meant the opposite of assemble. We claim we will never dissemble, so we will stay united right? Wrong.

It means we won't pretend we're righteous. Dictionary defines it as "give a false or misleading appearance." If we say we are Christians, be a Christian. If we say we are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, then we need to stand for everything it stands for. I know people that put on that persona that they are living righteously, yet when no one is looking do not live up to all the standards, or when they are on vacation, it doesn't count, etc.

I just thought it was really interesting, that this song that we sing all the time, are saying we will not be "Sunday Mormons," but don't even realize it. And for those unfamiliar with the song:

Now Let Us Rejoice

Now let us rejoice in the day of salvation.
No longer as strangers on earth need we roam.
Good tidings are sounding to us and each nation,
And shortly the hour of redemption will come,
When all that was promised the Saints will be given,
And none will molest them from morn until ev'n,
And earth will appear as the Garden of Eden,
And Jesus will say to all Israel, "Come home."

We'll love one another and never dissemble
But cease to do evil and ever be one.
And when the ungodly are fearing and tremble,
We'll watch for the day when the Savior will come,
When all that was promised the Saints will be given,
And none will molest them from morn until ev'n,
And earth will appear as the Garden of Eden,
And Jesus will say to all Israel, "Come home."

In faith we'll rely on the arm of Jehovah
To guide thru these last days of trouble and gloom,
And after the scourges and harvest are over,
We'll rise with the just when the Savior doth come.
Then all that was promised the Saints will be given,
And they will be crown'd with the angels of heav'n,
And earth will appear as the Garden of Eden,
And Christ and his people will ever be one.

Text: William W. Phelps