The Holy Ghost

All of my posts lately have referred back to this one experience, but I want to be sure to record everything I have learned and felt during this time. After my doctor visit Jack said we both needed to think about how the Holy Ghost talks to us. Yesterday in church the first talk was on Elder Bednar's last talk given in General Conference, The Spirit of Revelation. In the recent broadcast I attended for seminary teachers Elder Bednar referred again to this talk. Despite me having heard it several times, I knew I wanted to go back and read it again.

At first thought one may think, I thought you wanted to learn about the Holy Ghost. This talk is on revelation. But those two are completely connected. The Prophet Joseph Smith taught "the Holy Ghost is a revelator" and "no man can receive the Holy Ghost without receiving revelations." That is kind of cool.

Elder Bednar begins the talk describing 2 ways of seeing light. First, being in the dark and flipping a light switch-instant illumination. Second, the sun coming over the horizon-we see light, little by little until it fills the sky. Both bring light. Then he compares light to revelation. Giving the example of Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery translating the Book of Mormon, he says they learned that 'over time they increasingly understood the spirit of revelation typically functions as thoughts and feelings that come into our minds and hearts by the power of the Holy Ghost. Though not non-existent, it is rarely an angel coming to answer our prayers. In fact President Joseph F. Smith said, "Show me Latter-day Saints who have to feed upon miracles, signs and visions in order to keep them steadfast in the Church, and I will show you members...who are not in good standing before God, and who are walking in slippery paths. It is not by marvelous manifestations unto us that we shall be established in the truth, but it is by humility and faithful obedience to the commandments and laws of God."

Elder Bednar wasn't complete in his examples of seeing light and gave one last example. The sun rising on a cloudy day. It is harder to see the light. It may come up, but we don't really know when it came up saying "In a similar way, we many times receive revelation without recognizing precisely how or when we are receiving revelation." Then follows with another example by Oliver Cowdery being led to Joseph Smith to assist in the translation. The Lord tells him, "Behold, thou knowest that thou has inquired of me and I did enlighten thy mind; and now I tell thee these things that thou mayest know that thou hast been enlightened by the Spirit of truth." He had been walking under the sun on a cloudy day, and did not realize the light was there.

I obviously really like this example and when I heard the speaker say this yesterday I thought, "That was me!" I received thoughts and feelings by the power of the Holy Ghost. I prayed and He did enlighten my mind. Those experiences come by humility and faithful obedience to the commandments and laws of God. My favorite quote from Bednar's article, which turns out to be a whole paragraph is this-

"In many of the uncertainties and challenges we encounter in our lives, God requires us to do our best, to act and not be acted upon, and to trust in Him. We may not see angels, hear heavenly voices, or receive overwhelming spiritual impressions. We frequently may press forward hoping and praying-but without absolute assurance-that we are acting in accordance with God's will. But as we honor our covenants and keep the commandments, as we strive ever more consistently to do good and to become better, we can walk with the confidence that God will guide our steps. And we can speak with the assurance that God will inspire our utterances. This is in part the meaning of the scripture that declares, 'Then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God."

God's Promises

Our Heavenly Father has made promises to all of us. We can learn about those promises from reading the scriptures. The prophet can make promises to us from our Heavenly Father. One of the most prominent in my head is the Book of Mormon Challenge issued by President Gordon B. Hinckley in 2005. He asked us to read it before the end of the year giving this promise at the end. I have attended Stake Conferences and heard the Stake President issue promises (these also come from our Heavenly Father). And I have heard promises come from Heavenly Father in the form of priesthood blessings. There are so many blessings we can be had if we exercise faith in those promises and do our part. Because something I know, without doubt, is that God will always keep his promises.

Those that follow this blog know I was given a promise in a blessing. I decided to heed the blessing, practicing patience and exercising faith. One day passed, then 2, then 3, until 36 days had passed and there was still nothing. When I say nothing, I mean, I had no confirmation that the promise was kept, until I decided to go against what was being recommended by a doctor and requesting something I felt I needed to do. I felt this for awhile, but was hesitant, because I knew it made no sense logically. I know now that it was the Holy Ghost telling me this. I went in for an ultrasound and everything was clear. And had most likely been clear for 33 of those 36 days. The promise was kept 3 days after it was given, but I did not know. I was not given any sign. I continued for those 5 weeks believing, trying to keep fear, doubt, and worry out.

Immediately after this experience Jack compared it to the prophet Lehi. In the very first chapter he was told Jerusalem would be destroyed and to take his family into the wilderness. He trusted in that and left, not knowing if what was promised was true. He knew their lives were spared, but were the wicked actually destroyed? Days, months, years passed and he still did not know. In Chapter 17 we learn he is given another promise- "Yea, and the Lord said also that: After ye have arrived in the promise land, ye shall know that I, the Lord, and God; and that I, the Lord, did deliver you from destruction; yea, that I did bring you out of the land of Jerusalem." Okay, so he is finally told Jerusalem was destroyed. But he still did not have evidence of that. It was still years later, after they got to America, in 2 Nephi, chapter 1 he finally sees the vision that Jerusalem was destroyed, and they would have been to if they stayed.

For me it was after listening to the spirit and taking action, going against what 'the world' would tell me to do and what I needed, I saw a miracle. (I was told Jerusalem was destroyed). The very next day I received the evidence that my body was back on track and working the way it was designed. Confirmation that was everything was fine, and in fact, good (I saw the vision).

There have been some interesting things to learn from this experience that I am thankful for. And the scripture, 'ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith" (Ether 12:6) brings personal, deeper meaning.

P.S. I feel like saying my (and my husband's) faith in this blessing bringing about a miracle of promise neglects another important act. Sunday night my husband decided to begin a fast. This fast lasted longer than a normal 2 meal fast. He fasted as long as he needed. He is such an example to me (and to our children) of someone who believes in the power of God and the promises that come through prayer and fasting. I am so thankful to him and his faith that added to this little miracle in our lives.

Good Things to Come

I like that no matter how often you may see something or read something, it can mean different things to you and you can learn new things depending on circumstances in your life. The scriptures are a constant reminder of that. This video is another one-

Fasting

Fasting is one of those things my parents taught us well when we were younger. I knew it was important to them and usually didn't have a problem waiting until 4:00 or 5:00 to eat. I tried fasting for a purpose and as I grew up experienced testimony builders of the power of fasting.

However, when I got pregnant for the first time (over 4 years ago), I thought it was kind of cool I didn't have to fast. :) I was pregnant for 9 months, nursed for 12, got pregnant again for 9 months, nursed for 12, got pregnant again. Do the math, I went 45 months only fasting maybe 2 times. And I did begin to miss it. I could still see the power of fasting and watched Jack do special fasts several times, but I felt like I was missing out.

I remember fasting for the first time after my first miscarriage, and finding it funny one of the first things I thought about when I found out about my second one was that I was going to get to fast again. I really wanted to take advantage of it so studied the topic the week before Fast Sunday approached. I appreciated my experience reading and one aspect I really liked was the following-

"This account teaches that prayer and fasting can give added strength to those giving and receiving priesthood blessings."

I really liked that. The account it is referring to is Christ with his disciples. "One one occasion the Savior cast a devil out from a child and used this experience to teach His disciples about the power of prayer and fasting. His disciples asked Him, 'Why could not we cast him out?' Jesus answered: 'Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you. Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting." (Matthew 17:14-21).

It follows this account by saying, "Like the demon that Christ cast out, our difficulty may be the kind that will go out only through prayer and fasting."

I knew what I wanted to fast for. It was a wonderful Fast Sunday, and I found it fitting that our bishop who opened the meeting talked about the power of fasting and that tended to be a theme throughout the remainder of time. I also forgot how good food and water tastes after not having it :) I know fasting can give us strength and prepare us for receiving our Heavenly Father's blessings.

*These quotes were all found under Gospel Study-Fasting and Fast Offerings

Music

I was sitting on the couch one Sunday morning while Jack was at meetings. He had left the CD player going and a song came on that took me back 11 years. When I met Jack. I sat listening, smiling, and remembering the beginning of our relationship.

We met at EFY. The theme that year was Forward with Faith. We have taken that and applied it to be our theme in marriage. His wedding ring has the inscription "Faith" in hebrew (the design used for that year in EFY). One of our first Christmas' he gave me a necklace with this same inscription. I love that. But it wasn't until I heard a song from the CD we received that year that brought back certain memories. Sitting in my friend's room whom I went to EFY with after we came back from an awesome week. We pulled out the CD and listened while I sat crushing on this amazing boy I met. :)

This experience reminded me of the power of music. The first presidency has said-

"Inspirational music is an essential part of our church meetings. The hymns invite the Spirit of the Lord, create a feeling of reverence, unify us as members, and provide a way for us to offer praises to the Lord.

Some of the greatest sermons are preached by the singing of hymns. Hymns move us to repentance and good works, build testimony and faith, comfort the weary, console the mourning, and inspire us to endure to the end" (Hymns, 1985, p.ix).

Music is a pretty incredible thing. We use a lot of it in church, but we're also supposed to make wholesome music of all kinds a part of our life. It doesn't always have to be hymns we listen to, but we do need to be careful.Elder Boyd K. Packer has said "Now a warning! Some music is spiritually very destructive. You young people know what kind that is. The tempo, the sounds, and the lifestyle of those who perform it repel the Spirit. It is far more dangerous than you may suppose, for it can smother your spiritual senses." I love that. It's an eye opener to me that even the tempo or lifestyle of the person singing that can be 'very' destructive.

I have made a goal to listen to more wholesome music. Let's be honest, I rarely listen to music at all. I'm home all day, never drive in a car anymore which is when I used to listen to music the most. And when my kids want music, it is usually Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. However, my husband is a great example of what wholesome music is. I appreciate the groups he listens to and that we can all enjoy it as a family. We picked up a couple CDs from Seagull Book where I know they are wholesome people singing wholesome songs. I think it's good to surround ourselves with those things rather than what is on the radio, especially when you don't have control over what comes on next.

My last big goal is to listen to more hymns. I admit I was a 'hymns are only for Sunday' girl. But reading what our general authorities have said about music it makes me realize 'sacred music has to do with revelation...Secular music may be inspiring in a classical or popular sense, but it will not prepare your mind to be instructed by the spirit as will sacred music." I would love to have more personal revelation on a daily basis and not limit myself to those moments only on Sundays. I need to include hymns and reverence as a daily part of my life.

Just to end with a quote I liked-

"It seems that iniquity abounds on all sides, with the Adversary taking full advantage of the time remaining to him in this day of his power. The leaders continually cry out against that which is intolerable in the sight of the Lord: against pollution of mind and body and our surroundings; against vulgarity, stealing, lying, cheating, false pride, blasphemy, and drunkenness; against fornication, adultery, homosexuality, abortion, and all other abuses of the sacred power to create; against murder and all that is like unto it; against all manner of degradation and sin."

I was amazed reading this list. That not only the fact are we warned that music can pollute our mind, but all those other awful things are what a majority of music is about nowadays. If Satan can't make you commit adultery yet, he'll just sing songs about it, get it in our head, until we do think it is okay, no matter how off course it may seem now.

I am grateful for the influence music can have on us, and am ever more dedicated to be aware what that music is doing to my spirit.

Patience

President Uchdorf always gives great talks at conference. The one he gave in April 2010 was entitled Continue in Patience. He told of an experiment with children that was just interesting. If you're not familiar with it, read it, but it showed patience was a key character trait that may predict later success in life. Patience is a good thing to develop. And it seems my entire life I have been told I need to exercise and develop patience.

With recent circumstances I thought I was exercising patience. I was waiting. And I wasn't complaining...until my timeline for patience was running out. Things were going to start getting really inconvenient. The thing is, when you're really exercising patience, you don't have a timeline, Heavenly Father does, and even though you don't know what it is, you trust it.

It was really hard to realize this. I felt myself losing patience. I felt fear rising greater and greater. I didn't like that I was allowing myself to do that, so I felt confused. For me, I thought, I am being patient, how come nothing is coming. I hadn't completely put myself in his hands.

One part of President Uchdorf's talks that stuck out most to me was the following:

"The children of Israel waited 40 years in the wilderness before they could enter the promised land. Jacob waited 7 long years for Rachel. The Jews waited 70 years in Babylon before they could return to rebuild the temple. The Nephites waited for a sign of Christ's birth, even knowing that if the sign did not come, they would perish. Joseph Smith's trials in Liberty Jail caused even the prophet of God to wonder, "How long?"

In each case, Heavenly Father had a purpose in requiring that His children wait.

Every one of us is called to wait in our own way. We wait for answers to prayers. We wait for things which at the time may appear so right and so good to us that we can't possibly imagine why Heavenly Father would delay the answer. ... I learned that God's promises are not always fulfilled as quickly as or in the way we might hope; they come according to His timing and in His ways."

This totally spoke to me. Plus, I like to hear I'm not the only one waiting. In fact, I'm not even having to wait that long. It just broadened my view of how hard it is waiting. Heavenly Father has a purpose in requiring I wait.

A scripture I liked most when studying is that I need to 'continue in patience until ye are perfected." The idea that I am perfecting myself by waiting was admirable. I wanted to be able to do that. President Uchdorf closed his talk by saying "It is my prayer ...that we will courageously trust the Lord's promises and His timing ... and that we will continue in patience until we are perfected." Amen. :)

Patience - (personal experience)

That is the word that has been in my head for the last two weeks since finding out about my impending miscarriage.

The blessing I received once I found out told me my body would work the way it was designed. With my last miscarriage these words were the same, but this time it included the words, 'be patient.' Last time my body took 6 weeks to realize the baby was no longer growing and after an ultrasound the doctor said it could be another week before it passed. I was tired of waiting (it had been 2 weeks since I found out and I did not want to wait any longer). Plus, Jack had the day off, my mom was in town, so I opted for the surgery and felt good about that decision. Afterwards the doctor said he was glad they did the surgery, for various reasons, but also said it looked like it was going to happen on its own that day once he was in.

It has been 2 weeks again since I found out. I know I have mentioned, probably 100 times, how hard it is just waiting. I feel like I can not commit to anything. If someone asks if I can watch their kids on a certain day, if my presidency is trying to plan a time everyone can meet, if I want to plan a camping trip, I just never know for sure. And for those that don't know about my situation it makes it especially awkward and difficult. Plus, I'm a planner, so basically, it's been hard.

My husband starts his masters program today, in a city 60 miles north from where we live. Basically he will only be around when we're sleeping, and the weekends. The thought of having to go through it alone, with 2 kids has been stressful and scary. I had been hoping it would pass before this time came. I knew I was supposed to be patient, and I thought I had been. But in the back of my head I always figured, patient for a few days, a week, 2 weeks tops. It will happen before my husband becomes ridiculously busy. My Heavenly Father isn't going to make me go through this without Jack. Well, the time has come for me to try my faith.

Those words 'be patient' have been implanted in my brain. I have studied the topical guide, scriptures and various talks about patience, trying to understand what exactly it means and what I should be doing. Yesterday I asked my beloved husband who is always such a help how long I was supposed to be patient. :) I was trying to decide if I go ahead with the surgery or continue waiting, and along with that mentioned I was kind of tired of waiting. He asked how long Sarah had to wait. Almost 100 years. And I realized these 2 weeks of waiting, okay, I'll give myself benefit and say approximately 2 years (from the time I first got pregnant to when I will hopefully have another child), but this time of waiting is nothing. Surely I can exercise patience and trust in the Lord.

I feel like now I truly am allowing myself to exercise patience (and faith), knowing it may take another month. I need to trust Heavenly Father is in control and he will do what is for my good. I need to have faith in the blessing I received, and faith involves no fear. Fear doesn't come from Him, so I need to rid myself of that fear that it may come at the most inopportune time. And I guess it could. But I know that Heavenly Father will be there to help me. I will be able to do it, and it will work out when it is best for me. It's a good feeling, making that decision. I can stop worrying about what I should do, when it will come, how it will be, but experience what true patience feels like. Wish me luck! ;)

Hope

When I found out I was pregnant again I was unsure what I should be feeling. I wasn't really excited, perhaps nervous because of the previous miscarriage, but I didn't like the idea of being pessimistic and worrying for the next 3 months either. I was confused and didn't want to get overly excited to be disappointed or ungrateful by doubting. I asked my husband where you find that medium, or what it is; what was I supposed to be feeling. He responded, 'hope.' I accepted that answer.

When I was at my 4th doctor appointment earlier this week I laid on the table while she did another ultrasound. The baby looked bigger, I felt relief, but waited in silence for the tech to say something. I didn't see a heartbeat, but last time I didn't see or hear it until she switched to a different screen so I wasn't too worried. She finally spoke, 'Here is the sac, here is the baby. It is bigger, but not as big as we'd like." My heart dropped a little since at my last appointment they moved my due date back 10 days. I thought, they're going to push it back even more? Still clueless to what she was saying, then more words came, "and I don't see a heartbeat this time." ... She turned on the sound and I heard empty fuzz with the heart monitor going flat across the screen. I had lost this baby too. And my heart sunk a little deeper.

That night I sat alone and kept repeating, "I don't want to do this again. I don't want to do this again" as tears streamed down my face. It's a difficult place to be. I knew a miscarriage was coming. I knew how hard it was, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. Just wait for it-not knowing when it would come, but that it would come. And it was going to be hard. I didn't want to do it. But with President Mckay seemingly in my head all the time right now I thought of him and what he was called to do. It wasn't easy for him, but it was his mission and he decided to learn from the experience, accept it, and do it well. I decided, this is my mission right now. I am being called to go through this again. So I need to do my best. I can do it, and I can do it without falling into despair. (you may find that silly to compare the two, but for me it brought some comfort)

So when the answer was hope when I found out I was pregnant, the answer is still hope now. I needed it at the beginning, I need it to get through this, and I'll need it after.

President Uchdorf gave a really good talk in October General Conference 2008 entitled The Infinite Power of Hope. He says

"Hope has the power to fill our lives with happiness. ... The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating darkness. Despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be. Despair kills ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul, and deadens the heart. Despair can seem like a staircase that leads only and forever downward.

Hope, on the other hand, is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our trusting the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father, who has prepared a way for those who seek for eternal truth in a world of relativism, confusion, and of fear."

Just listening to those descriptions of despair and hope, obviously hope is what we want. And when I knew I didn't want to worry (or despair) at the beginning of the pregnancy, I needed hope. Romans 8:24 says "...hope that is seen is not hope..." So when you hope you do not know. I didn't know what the outcome of the pregnancy would be, but I hoped for a baby to join our family in 9 months.

President Uchdorf taught that the things "we hope in sustain us during our daily walk. They uphold us through trials, temptations, and sorrow. ... We hope in Jesus the Christ, in the goodness of God, in the manifestations of the Holy Spirit, in the knowledge that prayers are heard and answered. Because God has been faithful and kept His promises in the past, we can hope with confidence that God will keep His promises to us in the present and in the future. In times of distress, we can hold tightly to the hope that things will 'work together for [our] good' as we follow the counsel of God's prophets. This type of hope in God, His goodness, and His power refreshes us with courage during difficult challenges and gives strength to those who feel threatened by enclosing walls of fear, doubt, and despair."

Though with hope you do not know, the expectations are 'with surety' true. I have been promised I'll have more children. I have a Savior and through the power of the atonement I can return to a Heavenly Father who loves me. He hears my prayers and knows the desires of my heart. He will keep His promises. And things will work out for my good. I can easily hope in these things. I had hoped for them. I hoped for Heavenly Father to keep his promises and hear my prayers and bless me with a strong, healthy, beautiful, righteous spirit. Now that I know the timing isn't what I hoped, I need to hope in them, to sustain me until it does come. Now I need the confidence that "if I live according to God's laws and the words of His prophets now, I will receive desired blessings in the future."

"Happy is he,' said the Psalmist, 'that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God' (Psalm 146:5). With hope, we can find joy in life. We can 'have patience, and bear with ... afflictions with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions' (Alma 34:41). We can 'press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life" (2 Nephi 31:20).

Honesty

I was browsing my friends' facebook posts again this morning and one caught my eye. A friend of mine said-

"I sincerely think the Lord is testing my resolve to be honest. In the last few days I've had 4 different experiences where I was undercharged or given too much change and had to make the situation right. I think I'm going to pay more attention to my receipts. Who knows what I've been missing. CRAZY!"

The reply from one of her friends was-

"Or maybe he's trying to give you a break. Have you heard the story about the guy who's stuck on the roof of his house, in a flood? a couple of boats come by and try to save him, and he says "God will save me." And then he dies. and gets to heaven and asks God why He didn't save him, and God says 'I sent a couple of boats.' I'm just saying, maybe God thinks you need a couple extra bucks. Just something to think about..."

I don't know how many people believe this, it had received a few likes, but I can't help but completely disagree. Our Heavenly Father is honest. He wants us to be honest. As members of the church we believe in being honest. He will not use deceitful means to bless you. These people who accidentally gave extra change would not have balanced their books correctly at the end of the day. He's going to bless you while at the same time harming someone else? Of course not.

I remember being in an institute class and the teacher was talking about getting rich quick schemes. He knew somebody that was given an opportunity to make a lot of money really quickly and the guy took it as an answer to his prayer. He felt he was given this opportunity because he had been having financial trouble and was praying for help. But Proverbs 28:20 we read "A faithful man shall abound with blessings: but he that maketh haste to be rich shall not be innocent." We need to work hard and keep the commandments, that includes being honest. We will receive blessings if we do those things, not following Satan in being dishonest and attributing it as a blessing.

I decided to strengthen my own testimony of being honest and read a few talks and lessons found on lds.org. I enjoyed everything I read and there were so many good scriptures, quotes, and thoughts. I found most focused on three truths- God is a God of truth, Satan is the father of lies, and we have been commanded to be honest.

Because I could be here forever writing down things I liked I'll leave just a couple I thought went well with the scenario I gave about a temptation we may face and should remember.

1.) Alma 7:20 "I perceive that it has been made known unto you , by the testimony of his word, that he cannot walk in crooked paths; neither doth he vary from that which he hath said; neither hath he a shadow of turning from the right to the left, or from that which is right to that which is wrong; there, his course is one eternal round."

2.) "Satan would have us believe it is all right to lie. He says, 'Yea, lie a little; ... there is no harm in this' (2 Nephi 28:8). Satan encourages us to justifiy our lies to ourselves. Honest people will recognize Satan's temptations and will speak the whole truth, even if it seems to be to their disadvantage." When we cheat, lie, deceive, misrepresent by actions, words, looks, or silence, we become his slaves.

I know that when we choose to be honest we are becoming more like our Heavenly Father. We will receive blessings and be able to help others to be honest too. I was able to see St. George Live this week and 'meet' Jacob Hamblin. He is an inspiring person to learn about if you don't know anything about him. He held the reputation among the Indians, "Jacob Hamblin never tells a lie. Jacob Hamblin is an honest man." I want people to be able to say that about me.

Act Well Thy Part

When we were in Las Vegas my parents had a documentary on David O McKay saved on their DVR. Jack and I watched it and it was very good. One of the things it talked about was the turning point on his mission. In case you're unfamiliar with this story an excerpt from the Presidents of the Church manual says

"After he graduated from the university, he planned to marry Emma Ray and teach at Weber Academy, where he had been offered a teaching contract. His plans were changed, however, when he received a mission call to Scotland. The first months of David's mission were difficult. Only a short time before, he had been one of the most popular men on the campus at the University of Utah. Now he was among strangers and very unpopular. He tells in his own words how he was humbled and how the Lord taught him:

'I was homesick and a little discouraged on this day. ... I had just left school. I loved school and I loved young people. ... I was with Peter G. Johnston, one of the truest friends in all the world. ... As we were coming back into town, I saw on my right an unfinished dwelling, over the front door of which was a stone on which there was a carving. That was most unusual, so I said to Elder Johnston, 'I'm going to see what that is.' I was half way up the graveled walk when there came to my eyesight a striking motto as follows, carved in stone:

'Whate'er Thou Art, Act Well Thy Part'

I repeated it to Elder Johnston. ... We walked quietly, but I said to myself, or the Spirit within me, 'You are a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. More than that, you are here as a representative of the Lord Jesus Christ. You accepted the responsibility as a representative of the Church.' ....

That afternoon, by the time we found our lodgings, I accepted the message given to me on that stone, and from that moment we tried to do our part as missionaries in Scotland."

It's a cool story and when we were in Salt Lake a couple weeks later we were able to see that stone in the Church History Museum. Then just a couple days ago when we attended a broadcast for seminary teachers and their wives where one speaker told of this story once again. He broadened my knowledge though when he explained the images on the stone.

He taught it is a magic square. That each square represents a number and that when added each side, in all directions, will always equal 18. If you move any symbol to another square, it loses its value and the square will no longer be magic. That is really cool when you put it with the statement, 'Whate'er thou art, act well thy part.' You are important where you are and you need to do what is expected of you.

Given my several experiences with this story in a short amount of time caused me to reflect on it extra long. I had a Primary Presidency Meeting that afternoon and I was in charge of spiritual thought. I decided to focus on this message. However, when I got to my meeting I became frustrated that they didn't use the outline I had prepared, didn't ask me for my spiritual thought and I felt like all the work I had done as secretary was pointless.

When arriving home I shared my frustrations with my husband that I felt like the meeting wasn't very productive and there was no reason for me to have even gone. He asked if I believed in the spiritual thought I had prepared. ... I was secretary in the primary and so I needed to do 'well my part.' It doesn't matter if it feels like you're unappreciated or that what you're doing isn't making a difference, you do it. And you do it the best you can.

I guess it was a good experience for me because now I feel like I need to do that even more. Focus on doing my best and not worrying about the things around me. With President McKay's experience I was thinking sometimes our life hands us things that are unexpected, or that we may not necessarily want. President McKay had plans to get married. He had lots of friends, was popular and successful.. A lot of that changed, not necessarily by choice, and it changed fast. I'm sure it was a difficult situation for a young man and so many of us face things like that now. But no matter what we're given, no matter what stage in life we are, we need to accept it and excel in it. I think we should all think about what our roles are. At work, in the home, in church, any position we hold. Are we doing it well? And if not, change.

Matthew 7:21 says "Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven, but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven." Heavenly Father has complete control over our lives. The things that are placed in our journey of life are the will of the Father for us-to learn or grow or help others, we don't always know. But we do need to know it is his hand over it all and then do his will (which is to do our best). As we accept 'what we art, and act well our part', we qualify ourselves to enter in the kingdom of heaven.

P.S. I have been doing great at doing my part in calling people for reminders and taking vitamins :)

Personal Revelation

Well, since my new determination to use this blog more, my efforts are to make it a journal with different experiences I have, things I've learned, or am studying. You know, not every day life but hopefully an insight to my life as well as lessons we can all learn from the gospel of Jesus Christ. I think I'll enjoy looking back at this time in my life, and maybe my kids will too when they're big...

So I've entered a new stage in life. After I graduated High School I went to college, then got married, worked, had kids, and now that my husband has a career and we own a home we are no longer 'unsettled.' Let's face it, before you get to this point you constantly meet new people, move 100 times, okay, maybe not that much. But lots of things seem to always be changing and the people you are around are basically the same way.

Well, we've lived here for almost a year and a half. My baby is over a year and a half. I've had the same calling for almost a year and a half. It is strange. And kind of hard. I've never had that before, ever. I keep waiting for a change. I feel like I'm getting bored of the same thing every day. And right now, I'm not real sure how to fix it.

But as I laid in bed discouraged last night, I realized the only thing I can do is to pray. Not pray that I will enjoy it, or be happier, but what I can do, so that I will enjoy it more. Some things aren't going to change any time soon. We're not moving. I'm not getting released. A new baby doesn't show up the next day. And all that is okay, I don't need those things to change, but I need to find out what I should be doing so that I don't feel like I'm in a mundane routine. Heavenly Father will help me. I am looking forward to this challenge. I'm not the best at receiving personal revelation, and it will be good for me. Continue in scripture study and prayer asking and looking for an answer. I'll let you know what I come to. :)

On the lds.org website you can find under the definition of revelation - "According to our faithfulness, we can receive revelation to help us with our specific personal needs, responsibilities, and questions and to help us strengthen our testimony."

1 Corinthians 2:12 - "Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God."

No Motivation.... Why?

Lately there have been a few things that I think I should do, or know I should do, but just don't do them. I can't get myself to actually do it.

Some things are like taking vitamins. When you're trying to get pregnant, or are pregnant, you should take vitamins right? Well, I've never been good at that and didn't with my 2 kids. Occasionally, but not faithful at all and they are healthy as can be. This last pregnancy... took them every day. And it ended in miscarriage. So naturally, vitamins cause miscarriage. I know this is silly, but something is holding me back from doing it. Fear.

Other things are like making reminder calls for my calling in church. I'm primary secretary and like to call on Wednesday or Thursday to remind the kids' parents they are giving a talk or scripture the next week. The last couple weeks Wednesday comes and goes. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and every day I think, I need to call them. But don't. Why?! Then Sunday comes and I get all nervous they may have forgotten and I should have called to remind them. Stupid.

So how come I don't have this motivation? I was complaining to my husband asking him to help me and why I've been like this. He simply said Satan.

Ugh. Really? I guess so. Yep. Fear comes from Satan. Fear in the sense of lacking faith. And not fulfilling my calling. It makes me feel crummy about myself, and I guess that is Satan's goal. So now that I know Satan is the one 'making' me like this and enjoying it, I need to change.

Marion G. Romney said in a talk entitled Satan-the Great Deceiver that Satan is the father of lies. To believe them is to surrender to him. He talks about 2 lies in particular (there is no God & Satan is not real), but not acknowledging there is a devil can be damaging. He says "such surrender has always led, is leading now, and will continue to lead men to destruction."

Other excerpts from his talk-

During the vision given to Moses, the Lord said:

"...because...Satan rebelled against me, and sought to destroy the agency of mean, which I, the Lord God, had given him, and also, that I should give unto him mine own power; by the power of mine Only Begotten, I caused that he should be cast down. And he became Satan, yea, even the devil, the father of all lies, to deceive and to blind men, and to lead them captive at his will, even as many as would not hearken unto my voice." (Moses 4:3-4).

Satan is evil: totally and always. He ever seeks to defeat the gospel plan and "destroy the souls of men." (D&C 10:27).

"... he persuadeth no man to do good, no, no one; neither do his angels; neither do they who subject themselves unto him." (Moroni 7:17).

Just reading through some of these scriptures reminds me of Satan's whole desire is to take away our agency, destroy the souls of men, no man to do good, and become subject to him. Reading through it really motivated me to be on guard and make sure I don't fall into temptation to any of his lies.

Pioneer Day

Another Pioneer Day has come and gone. This year I'm serving in the Primary and have gotten to hear pioneer songs for a few weeks. They are in my head a lot and this has helped me in my daily actions think more about pioneers and appreciate all the sacrifices they made even more. Especially when I got bit by a spider and found only little relief from ice water and tylenol-something pioneers didn't have.

We've done some pioneer activities lately too. A week ago we were able to visit the Mormon Batallion in Old Town San Diego. I encourage everyone to go if they're in the area. It is a great presentation and the spirit testified to me a couple times of their faith and trust in the Lord, obedience in following the prophet, and hard work they did. I love getting a glimpse of what it would be like to live then. It increases my testimony and I feel closer to them.

In Primary the theme for the month has been on the temples and one week we focused on the first temples in the Latter-Days. We can learn so much from the pioneers as we study their lives and sacrifices. How difficult it was for the people to build the Kirtland temple-the women smashing china so the temple would be beautiful, men staying up all night to protect it from people wanting to destroy it, and so many other hardships they faced in their effort to build a House of God. I am amazed at the dedication of Brigham Young in getting as many saints to the temple before leaving Nauvoo. He went home just once a week and only got 4 hours of sleep a night. He knew the Saints needed the protection and strength from receiving their temple blessings before making their trek west. I felt their love and determination. We need to have that same attitude and make whatever sacrifices needed to get to the temple as often as we can.

Lastly we hiked the Temple Quarry trail here in St. George. We left about 10 am. About 5 minutes in our oldest started complaining. He was hot. And too tired to walk. It was hot. Like really hot. But I loved walking the trail thinking about the pioneers. They were here. Not only did they leave Nauvoo to go west. Their effort to follow God never stopped. When they arrived it was continuous hard work as they began building temples once again. There were no tools or transportation like we have today. It was hot. With no relief of an air conditioning or ice cold drink. We carried our boys and sang as we walked. I felt great love and appreciation for the pioneers (as well as love and appreciation for living today and not back then! :) After finishing the trail we went to the temple and admired its beauty and workmanship. We saw the cannon used to pound the lava rock into the ground to have a sure foundation. It was a wonderful day.

On the evening of Pioneer Day we watched some church history clips and heard President Hinckley, President Monson, and President Faust testify of the pioneers. Their testimony brings the spirit of truth. I am grateful for the pioneers and living prophets today.