Priesthood Blessings

My visiting teacher is in charge of the music in sacrament meeting, so she has seen a piano in my house... One day she asked me to share a piano solo in church. I really didn't want to. I know it is good to share my talents, but I prefer to share them in a Relief Society room, primary room, or accompanying a singer where all the focus is at the microphone. In fact, I had never played a solo in sacrament meeting and was more nervous than I should have been.

The night before I was sharing my feelings with Jack and he told me I could ask for a priesthood blessing. I said I wasn't sure what to ask for-that I would play well, or that I wouldn't be nervous? I just didn't know and felt a little silly. He told me of a talk he heard from a general authority saying worthy men should be using their priesthood more and giving a lot more priesthood blessings. That we can ask for a priesthood blessing for anything. After thinking about it I decided I wanted one and Jack agreed to give me one the next morning before church.

I had no idea what was in store. He started the blessing asking that my fingers would work the way they should, my eyes could focus on the music, I would be able to play the way I had practiced, etc. A couple minutes in, the tone and feeling changed. I can't even tell you everything that was said, but it was an amazing experience. I heard my Heavenly Father speaking to me. It wasn't Jack. I could feel so clearly power flowing down from Heaven and an undescribable love. It was love my Father in Heaven had for me, that Jack had for me, and that I had for them in return-just such a strong force of love flowing in all directions. He ended the blessing, and I knew Jack also had a very special experience. He asked if I knew what that was about. Was it an answer to a prayer I had? Did I need anything? I told him no, not that I knew of.

Not that I knew of was right. I was almost 11 weeks pregnant at the time and when I went into my first appointment the next week I found out that I was probably going to miscarry. After my experience the week before my testimony of priesthood blessings grew. It was such a spiritual experience that I loved, but that blessing I realized did so much more. It helped me deal with what was coming, making everything so much easier.

I had zero doubt in my mind and heart that I had a Heavenly Father who knew me, loved me, and had a plan for me. The blessing I had received talked a lot about motherhood and my role. That I was doing a great job and great blessings would come from what I was doing. After learning this very sad news-I was so excited to add to our family,-I still knew I was a mother, I had 2 adorable boys, and I would have more children, when the time was right. My faith was so strong going into this trial, it helped so much. And to think that I received all those things, because I asked for a blessing about playing the piano in church. It is amazing.

My testimony has since grown stronger from the several blessings I received in the following few weeks dealing with the miscarriage. I know that our Heavenly Father knows us and what lies ahead of us. Trials are necessary, but he wants to help us, and priesthood blessings are an amazing gift we have. We need to ask for more of these in our lives and it is a way our Heavenly Father can communicate with us, telling us things we want to hear, and may not know we need to hear. I love my husband who is a worthy priesthood holder and is so willing to use that power daily.

I have recorded several things in my journal about dealing with the miscarriage, but in my last post I mentioned a couple people who have gone through some very difficult things, and that their experiences have helped me. One more of those was Jean Little. She is a friend of a friend, another someone I have never met. On facebook I saw my friend comment on a picture with a tiny, TINY baby. As I clicked on the picture I noticed this baby was born very early, and had just passed away. She too had a blog, and being the way I am, I clicked to read her story.

After finding out about my miscarriage I dealt with some feelings of discouragement. I didn't know why my body did not realize the baby had stopped growing. I took a prescription to put my body into labor and it did nothing. We finally decided on getting the D&C when I was a little over 13 weeks-the baby stopped growth at 7-8 weeks, so I had gone 6 weeks with my body thinking it was growing a baby, but it wasn't. After you've had 2 kids your body knows what to do and I was embarrassed that my belly kept growing and I couldn't tell anyone. I was nervous people were going to start to notice and asking. My desire for a new baby hadn't gone, but you can't try again until 1. you're not pregnant anymore, obviously, and you know things are back to working the way they should. So I wondered, if I was going to miscarry, why didn't it happen earlier, why did it have to take so long.

Then I remembered this girl's story, and became grateful. I was 13 weeks, not 23. It was her first and you could tell in her blog how excited they, and their parents, were for this new baby. I can't imagine all the feelings and emotions of going into labor so early, seeing your sweet, helpless baby, then losing it and needing to plan a funeral? Things weren't so bad. Seeing the way this girl handled her trial, also helped me realize with Heavenly Father's help, we can get through anything and grow from it.

New Insight

I was reading a friend's blog post the other day. She is coming near her 30th birthday and was evaluating her life. She said a few things that got me thinking, one of them being wanting to document things of more importance, in addition to the fun, quirky things her children do on her blog. And I realized I've neglected this blog and want to get back into it-put down the things I'm learning and feeling, because there is a lot. I keep a personal journal, but I'm not the best at putting each entry in a specific book, so my entries end up here and there and I fear I have lost several important events.

So... there is so much I don't know where to begin. I think just mentioning some of the things that have recently happened that have caused me to re-evaluate my life. And none of these things have happened to me, I just read about them, but they have such a big effect on me. The first two I have mentioned before-

Ashley and Robert were friends of mine growing up. They began dating after he served a mission and were married in July 2006. In November 2007 he was first diagnosed with leukemia and beat 2 battles of cancer before passing in December 2009. When I was home visiting my parents last month I saw a wedding invitation for Ashley and was so, SO happy she was able to find someone else to share in this life journey with her. I went back to read the blog sharing her story with Robert's battle and each time I read I sit in awe at the courage and faith she had.

I learned about Stephanie Nielson, a burned victim survivor, from a mormon messages that touched me. She now has become 'famous' in the blogging world and there was a 20/20 recently done with her. We don't have television right now, but I browsed her blog and came across this post that I also loved. She is an incredibly strong person as well, and I just love what she has to say about motherhood. I am a queen, look what I just did. That is so beautiful, and so true.

Lastly, a friend of mine on facebook posted that a lady in her ward passed away unexpectedly. It caught my interest because she was so young with children. She was 8 months pregnant at the time, and though they were able to deliver the baby, it did not live long. I followed her page, noticed she had a blog, then read a post her husband did that day. Wow. Jack makes fun of me because he says it is my life-changing blog because I am constantly thinking about it and talking about it. I've gone back to it, and it must have had quite an effect on several people since it now has over 300 comments.

You may see future posts with more specific things that stuck out to me with each of these people, but right now I'll just say how grateful I am. These are tragic things these people go through. It makes you appreciate everything you have. And I feel so grateful that I can learn so much from other people. I mean, Jack doesn't like to read things like that. It just makes him sad. I read it and feel so inspired. I want to be better at everything I do and who I'll become. I'm glad it does that to me. It makes me hope and pray I never have to face something like that personally. I learn so much from other people's trials. I know I have my own, but I really hope I never have to go through anything like that. I thought that probably sounds bad, but realize no, it doesn't. I don't think anyone ever hopes for something like that.

I don't know if it's weird that I'm like this, but I am so glad other people are able to share their stories, despite how difficult they are, so I can better appreciate what I have, put my life in clearer perspective, and help me strive to be who our Heavenly Father wants me to be.