Woman Who Touched the Hem of Jesus

We recently had a Relief Society meeting where we highlighted different women in the scriptures and what we can learn from them. I was given the woman who touches the hem of Jesus and is healed. There is SO much I could have said about her, and I developed a great love for her and her story as I studied it, but I was only given 2 minutes. I thought I would include what I shared here, and encourage you to look more deeply into her story, because there is a lot there -

In Mark chapter 5 we learn of a woman who has had an issue of blood for 12 years. That is to say, she had a flow of blood, so think of menstruating nonstop for 12 straight years! That alone sounds awful.

Under Mosaic law, if you had any bodily discharge, male or female, you were deemed unclean.You were unable to enter the tabernacle or even go near it, unable to make tithes and offerings, unable to eat any consecrated food, unable to participate in the passover, in essence, unable to worship your God or be cleansed, to feel that rejuvination, until the issue stopped, you waited a certain number of days, and followed certain cleansing rituals.

Along with this, anyone or anything you touched, also became unclean. It went as far as if someone touched something you had touched, they became unclean, causing these people to be avoided, almost shunned like lepers of the time, especially if it was a continuous problem with no end in sight.

So this woman had gone 12 long years, being labeled 'unclean.' I am sure she felt it herself, not being able to enter a tabernacle or worship, and having everyone around her think of her as ‘unclean'- someone to be avoided. For if they even touched a chair she sat in, they would become unclean, unable to worship themselves. Not only that, she had spent all her money to physicians trying to figure out what was wrong.

She probably felt very, very alone. She had no money, most likely no friends or any form of physical touch for 12 years. The pain, suffering, loneliness, helplessness this woman probably felt is unimaginable.

 
Now in the account we have Jairus, a patron or ruler, who had a 12 year old daughter who was very ill and had gone to Jesus asking for help. Jesus was on his way to heal this young girl, when this woman reaches out to touch his hem. She had no one who could go to Jesus for her to ask for his help as Jairus was doing for his daughter. Now remember by touching him, under Mosaic law, she would deem him unclean. He would be unable to participate in ceremonial activities. If it was a priest on his way to help this child, he would be unable to perform his duty. It was a bold move, and one that would have taken great courage and faith. But that is what she had. She knew He was Jesus, with the power of God and able to do all things. And when she touched him He felt power leave him. Her faith was so strong she pulled power from him and immediately she felt she was healed and probably wished to fall back, unnoticed. But Jesus stops. He is on his way to help a little girl that is about to die. But he stops. For her. For this woman who had been suffering from a trial unique to women. Men don't know what it's like. But he understood. And he gives her more opportunity for growth.

He knows who touched him, but he asks, "Who touchest me." Everyone else, this crowd of people thinking, what are you talking about, there are people everywhere. But he turns and looks at her. Scared, surrounded by all these people that have probably been unkind, shunned her for so long, uncertain how anyone would react, she steps forward and recounts what she is doing. In essence, she bears her testimony, in front of all these people.

Jairus then receives word his daughter has died. Perhaps if Jesus hadn’t stopped he could have made it there in time. ... Or perhaps, this miracle, her testimony of faith and the power of God could have strengthened Jairus' faith in Christ, so that it would be strong enough to allow Jesus to heal his daughter.

There are so many lessons we can learn from this woman. No matter our trial - poverty, loneliness, health issues, having been away from church for a long time (all things this woman felt), Jesus has power to heal us all spiritually, physically, and emotionally. He knows, understands, and cares about our individual and unique difficulties. He will always give us of his time, nothing is more important than you. It takes effort on our part, courage, faith, and we may be be stretched more than we wish, but by sharing our testimony we grow ourselves, and help those around us.

Patience... Again?!

In our church you can receive a patriarchal blessing at some point in your life. It is basically like a personal prayer for you to turn to for direction and find blessings if you live your life accordingly throughout your entire life. Anyway, one line in there talks about me. and patience. And I really think it is just what I will continually be tried in throughout my life and I sure hope one day I can master it. Because quite honestly, I'm terrible at it. And my anxiety issues just make it that much harder to overcome.

I feel like I've talked about this baby a lot. And here I am at it again. So the way they calculate your due date, I was given May 1st as an official date. Not a bad day. But very quickly I realized, this pregnancy is hard on me. And May sounds SOOOOOO far away. They allow you to induce a week early. THAT is what I am going to do, so April 24th. My NEW due date. :) I've never opted for that before. Even with my third kid I was having a few complications and I had to get monitored at the hospital. We were there, hooked up to monitors and they said, 'well, we can just keep you and induce you now...' nope. I wanted to wait. This time, there was no question in my head. I just wanted this baby as SOON as they would allow me. And I was going to have this baby no later than April 24th.

So... 9 months goes by, and I have April 24th marked on my calendar. Then, about a month before my due date I found out my doctor was going to be out of town. Not even just out of town, but out of the country! The entire week before my due date, AND the entire week before that (in hopes that maybe I would go into labor naturally at 38 weeks. Babies are still healthy then, and I have hefty babies. But he would still be gone. No way am I having a baby at 37 weeks, so my plans were shattered.

I really wanted to deliver with my doctor. But he wasn't going to be back in town until May 2nd. That is AFTER my due date. And an entire week after what I have told myself, and everyone else, for this whole pregnancy. I was faced with a dilemna which I have made so, so, so much worse than I needed to. There is no need to go into further detail, but I have worried and struggled with the decision, do I induce with this doctor I don't really know (or like), or do I wait for my doctor.

I got a priesthood blessing. It didn't quite give me the peace or confidence I was looking for. I wanted to feel like if I delivered with this new doctor things would go okay. Because I really am stressed and worried about delivering with her. I feel like I'm a wreck, and I'll still be a wreck if I go into labor naturally before my doctor is back because I just wasn't told I'd have peace and feel good or receive a confirmation that those on duty would be skilled and understand me and my needs. I don't know. I probably don't make any sense. Basically I want to enjoy my labor/delivery experience whatever it be. It could be my last baby, and right now I feel like I'd be too worried to enjoy it if I go early.

So May 2nd. Every day I hope I don't go naturally to avoid that stress I just mentioned. But at the same time think, but it sure would be nice to go naturally, and sooner than later. And everyone that was due after me is already having their babies. And I have to hear people ask about the baby, and I don't like talking about it. Ugh.

But what this blessing I received did say, and my point of this blog post, is that it said my body would do what it needed to, to prepare for this baby. Maybe you say that is the way of saying, 'stop worrying. It doesn't matter what doctor you have, your body will do what it needs to to have a healthy baby.' But for me, those words just rang inside from when I was going through my miscarriages. It was the same wording. And at that time, patience was a clear answer for me. Just have patience. So I felt like this blessing was telling me the same thing. Stop worrying. Stop trying to decide and spend all day every day wondering, 'will today be the day?' Don't set a date to induce early. If you go early, you go early. Otherwise just wait. The baby will come when he's ready. Your body knows what to do.

... But that was so hard with those miscarriages. I had to go forward with life. I couldn't let it occupy my thoughts the way I was, wondering is it going to happen today? But then I also look at my experience, and it happened not in any way I imagined. I feared pain. I feared bleeding. And my body just miscarried. Without me really knowing. It reset itself. So apparently my body can do it. But I have no idea how or when. I'm working on accepting that with this pregnancy. It will work out.

And I just went back and read this post. Clearly I am 9 months pregnant and out of my mind. I better just stop typing. :)

Bruised and Broken

I am pregnant with my 5th child. And I've had two miscarriages, making this my 7th pregnancy. And let me tell you, it is worlds different than my first or second. Really from day 1 I have struggled, nausea didn't go away like it did with others at 14 weeks. I felt huge and uncomfortable waaayyy earlier on. My heartburn has been the worst yet. I have felt impatient and discouraged and just kind of unhappy, despite knowing I shouldn't. I guess my anemia is to blame for some of those things, but this last month has done me in. Hemorrhoids came back, as they tend to do at the end of pregnancy. The baby sits weird and just puts too much pressure despite avoiding the things that normally cause them. I do everything to try and alleviate the pain but spent a solid 3 weeks in bed, M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E!

There was one night I lay awake, just aching from head to toe feeling like I could not move even if I put all my effort into it. I said to myself, "I feel completely bruised and broken." As I said the words, my thoughts immediately went to my Savior. Those are words I attribute to Him and His atonement, particularly from the sacrament hymn

"Jesus of Nazareth." I looked up the lyrics which include, "Life thou didst bring," "bruised, broken, torn for us on Calvary's hill, thy suffering borne for us, lives with us still," and "life evermore we'll know, through thee our friend." It made my thoughts then jump to Elder Holland's last general conference talk on mothers and comparing ourselves to Christ, along with turning my thoughts to a quote from the General Women's Conference this last weekend, "We make room for those we love" mentioning even a mother's body makes room for that child to grow.

Anyway, they were reminders of the important work we as mothers do and that we are bringing life, as Christ brought life to us. We are bruised and broken, suffer for our children, but again, that we are bringing life to that child and hopefully they grow up to be our friend- someone we love and they love in return. These children need us to come to this earth to get a body in order to fulfill God's Plan. It is all worth it. It is a sacrifice we choose to make and it is one way we can be like our Savior.  And yes, it reminds us of Him, and the suffering he went through is nothing in comparison to what we do. It strengthens my appreciation for what He did and I develop a greater love and closeness to my Savior.

Alma 7:11-13 
"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sickness of his people.

And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. 

Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me."

I love that. I know we have a Savior who loves us so much he was willing to take that upon him for me. He knows my pains- physical, emotional, spiritual. He knows the temptations I face. He knows my weaknesses. And he knows my sins. He experienced it all. But men can't say that. :) They don't know what pregnancy feels like in all aspects of depression that some women face, pressure to do good enough, the physical pain, etc. And yet Christ does. He has mercy, he understands, he cares and if we turn to Him he helps us through it.

Service

I attended the General Women's Conference and the theme for the night was service, with an emphasis on helping all of the refugees. As I listened my thoughts went to my cousin Crystal and I have to tell you a little about her.

Technically she is my cousin's wife. A little of her background-she grew up in New York, the Bronx, and doesn't talk much about her childhood. Living in New York you don't drive anywhere, so she doesn't even have a driver license, even now. She was baptized, moved to Utah, and married my cousin shortly after I was married. We were living up north when they began courting, got married and they lived around the block from us before we moved down here, so I consider her a friend. They have 3 little girls and she is pregnant with her 4th!

About a month ago she received a call that her mother had a stroke and was not doing well. She was in a coma, unresponsive, and didn't know if she would live or die. Crystal immediately flew out to New York to be with her mother and sister, who still lives in New York.

The two of them were trying to deal with the stress and decide the next steps with their mother when completely unexpectedly, her sister died. They couldn't say why, but it appeared to be a heart attack. ... I mean, how do you even begin to comprehend what is happening!

Her sister was married, but her husband did not handle it well. They have a 1 year old baby and he took the child and left to his mother's house. He did not go to the hospital. He did not go to see his wife. He struggled and basically just shut down.

So Crystal was left alone, to plan her sister's funeral and continue caring for her mother in a city away from everything she knows. My cousin flew out to be with her and they were able to stay for a week while my aunt and uncle watched their little girls in Utah. It was very difficult to leave New York and her mother, without having that assurance that she had a sister there to help care for her and visit, etc.

Now, to add even more to this story, I mentioned her sister had a 1 year old baby. Her husband has moved back in with his mom and they are caring for the baby together. But there is also a 14 year old boy they legally adopted just a month prior. This 14 year old boy is their nephew. He is their other sister's son, but this sister is into drugs, just not in a good place, and has been unable to care for her son. So her sister that passed away has basically been caring for him and just finalized the adoption process.

There was a big question now what would happen with this boy. Her sister's husband was now legally in charge of him, but the boy did not have the same connection to him as he did with his aunt, who was now dead. He wanted to go live with Crystal in Utah. He has known her his whole life, despite living on opposite sides of the country, she also being his aunt.

Anyway, what ended up happening was when Crystal and my cousin returned back to Utah, they brought this 14 year old boy to live with them.

Now I know what it's like to have three young kids and be very pregnant with your 4th. That alone, is not easy. Add in losing a sister. Add in having a mother on the other side of the country in a hospital and not being able to visit, talk, or help her in any way. And then add in, taking in a 14 year old boy. I think the stress of the whole thing is incomprehensible.

I mean, even little things like having a boy after all your experiences are with girls. Their oldest is 6 years old. Now you're raising a teenager? That is a whole new set of trials and scenarios this boy faces. The extra expense. Little boys are expensive. I can only imagine how much more expensive they are when they're 14!

I just have so much admiration for her and what she is sacrificing and willing to do to help. She truly is offering a great gift to this boy. She isn't thinking of herself. She is only thinking of others and their needs.

I think of the life-long benefits she will give to this boy. He hasn't had an easy life. But now he will be in a stable environment, go to church every week, learn of the gospel and develop some good, strong values. I was up there a couple weeks ago when he was walking home from school. He stopped by my Grandma's house for milk and cookies, along with my other cousins' kids. He just has this wonderful support system automatically built in because of family and the gospel.  It makes my heart happy to get a glimpse of what Christ-like love and serving others can do. I look forward to coming years and how this boy will grow and develop.

Going back to the Conference, as I listened to the talks, and thought of my cousin I realized I need to be doing so much better at serving others. I focus so much on myself and effects I feel. They gave an example of an object lesson a teacher gave. She had two people talk to each other, holding a mirror up in front of them. All they could see was themselves as they talked and they could not connect in a real meaningful way. Then they put the mirror down and replaced it with an empty picture frame. The focus was on that person. And how different the interaction went.

You can picture that. It seems ridiculous and obvious when you think about it. But if I take a minute, I think sometimes, when I am talking to others, or 'serving' others, I see myself, rather than that person. I don't really understand them, care for them the way I should, or focus on their needs and how they are reacting to the situation.

So basically that is my goal. I don't consider myself a self-absorbed person. But when I think of it that way, and how much I think about my stress, my anxiety, my needs I realize, yeah, I probably do think too much of me and not enough of others. Something else to work on! ;)