Bruised and Broken

I am pregnant with my 5th child. And I've had two miscarriages, making this my 7th pregnancy. And let me tell you, it is worlds different than my first or second. Really from day 1 I have struggled, nausea didn't go away like it did with others at 14 weeks. I felt huge and uncomfortable waaayyy earlier on. My heartburn has been the worst yet. I have felt impatient and discouraged and just kind of unhappy, despite knowing I shouldn't. I guess my anemia is to blame for some of those things, but this last month has done me in. Hemorrhoids came back, as they tend to do at the end of pregnancy. The baby sits weird and just puts too much pressure despite avoiding the things that normally cause them. I do everything to try and alleviate the pain but spent a solid 3 weeks in bed, M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E!

There was one night I lay awake, just aching from head to toe feeling like I could not move even if I put all my effort into it. I said to myself, "I feel completely bruised and broken." As I said the words, my thoughts immediately went to my Savior. Those are words I attribute to Him and His atonement, particularly from the sacrament hymn

"Jesus of Nazareth." I looked up the lyrics which include, "Life thou didst bring," "bruised, broken, torn for us on Calvary's hill, thy suffering borne for us, lives with us still," and "life evermore we'll know, through thee our friend." It made my thoughts then jump to Elder Holland's last general conference talk on mothers and comparing ourselves to Christ, along with turning my thoughts to a quote from the General Women's Conference this last weekend, "We make room for those we love" mentioning even a mother's body makes room for that child to grow.

Anyway, they were reminders of the important work we as mothers do and that we are bringing life, as Christ brought life to us. We are bruised and broken, suffer for our children, but again, that we are bringing life to that child and hopefully they grow up to be our friend- someone we love and they love in return. These children need us to come to this earth to get a body in order to fulfill God's Plan. It is all worth it. It is a sacrifice we choose to make and it is one way we can be like our Savior.  And yes, it reminds us of Him, and the suffering he went through is nothing in comparison to what we do. It strengthens my appreciation for what He did and I develop a greater love and closeness to my Savior.

Alma 7:11-13 
"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sickness of his people.

And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. 

Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me."

I love that. I know we have a Savior who loves us so much he was willing to take that upon him for me. He knows my pains- physical, emotional, spiritual. He knows the temptations I face. He knows my weaknesses. And he knows my sins. He experienced it all. But men can't say that. :) They don't know what pregnancy feels like in all aspects of depression that some women face, pressure to do good enough, the physical pain, etc. And yet Christ does. He has mercy, he understands, he cares and if we turn to Him he helps us through it.