Service

I attended the General Women's Conference and the theme for the night was service, with an emphasis on helping all of the refugees. As I listened my thoughts went to my cousin Crystal and I have to tell you a little about her.

Technically she is my cousin's wife. A little of her background-she grew up in New York, the Bronx, and doesn't talk much about her childhood. Living in New York you don't drive anywhere, so she doesn't even have a driver license, even now. She was baptized, moved to Utah, and married my cousin shortly after I was married. We were living up north when they began courting, got married and they lived around the block from us before we moved down here, so I consider her a friend. They have 3 little girls and she is pregnant with her 4th!

About a month ago she received a call that her mother had a stroke and was not doing well. She was in a coma, unresponsive, and didn't know if she would live or die. Crystal immediately flew out to New York to be with her mother and sister, who still lives in New York.

The two of them were trying to deal with the stress and decide the next steps with their mother when completely unexpectedly, her sister died. They couldn't say why, but it appeared to be a heart attack. ... I mean, how do you even begin to comprehend what is happening!

Her sister was married, but her husband did not handle it well. They have a 1 year old baby and he took the child and left to his mother's house. He did not go to the hospital. He did not go to see his wife. He struggled and basically just shut down.

So Crystal was left alone, to plan her sister's funeral and continue caring for her mother in a city away from everything she knows. My cousin flew out to be with her and they were able to stay for a week while my aunt and uncle watched their little girls in Utah. It was very difficult to leave New York and her mother, without having that assurance that she had a sister there to help care for her and visit, etc.

Now, to add even more to this story, I mentioned her sister had a 1 year old baby. Her husband has moved back in with his mom and they are caring for the baby together. But there is also a 14 year old boy they legally adopted just a month prior. This 14 year old boy is their nephew. He is their other sister's son, but this sister is into drugs, just not in a good place, and has been unable to care for her son. So her sister that passed away has basically been caring for him and just finalized the adoption process.

There was a big question now what would happen with this boy. Her sister's husband was now legally in charge of him, but the boy did not have the same connection to him as he did with his aunt, who was now dead. He wanted to go live with Crystal in Utah. He has known her his whole life, despite living on opposite sides of the country, she also being his aunt.

Anyway, what ended up happening was when Crystal and my cousin returned back to Utah, they brought this 14 year old boy to live with them.

Now I know what it's like to have three young kids and be very pregnant with your 4th. That alone, is not easy. Add in losing a sister. Add in having a mother on the other side of the country in a hospital and not being able to visit, talk, or help her in any way. And then add in, taking in a 14 year old boy. I think the stress of the whole thing is incomprehensible.

I mean, even little things like having a boy after all your experiences are with girls. Their oldest is 6 years old. Now you're raising a teenager? That is a whole new set of trials and scenarios this boy faces. The extra expense. Little boys are expensive. I can only imagine how much more expensive they are when they're 14!

I just have so much admiration for her and what she is sacrificing and willing to do to help. She truly is offering a great gift to this boy. She isn't thinking of herself. She is only thinking of others and their needs.

I think of the life-long benefits she will give to this boy. He hasn't had an easy life. But now he will be in a stable environment, go to church every week, learn of the gospel and develop some good, strong values. I was up there a couple weeks ago when he was walking home from school. He stopped by my Grandma's house for milk and cookies, along with my other cousins' kids. He just has this wonderful support system automatically built in because of family and the gospel.  It makes my heart happy to get a glimpse of what Christ-like love and serving others can do. I look forward to coming years and how this boy will grow and develop.

Going back to the Conference, as I listened to the talks, and thought of my cousin I realized I need to be doing so much better at serving others. I focus so much on myself and effects I feel. They gave an example of an object lesson a teacher gave. She had two people talk to each other, holding a mirror up in front of them. All they could see was themselves as they talked and they could not connect in a real meaningful way. Then they put the mirror down and replaced it with an empty picture frame. The focus was on that person. And how different the interaction went.

You can picture that. It seems ridiculous and obvious when you think about it. But if I take a minute, I think sometimes, when I am talking to others, or 'serving' others, I see myself, rather than that person. I don't really understand them, care for them the way I should, or focus on their needs and how they are reacting to the situation.

So basically that is my goal. I don't consider myself a self-absorbed person. But when I think of it that way, and how much I think about my stress, my anxiety, my needs I realize, yeah, I probably do think too much of me and not enough of others. Something else to work on! ;)