I was in Las Vegas with all of my family recently. I hear some people talk about when their family gets together and they go on and on and on and on :) about how great it is! I love my family. I'm super thankful for them. But being in a confined space with them for more than a couple hours is a lot for me. I like to have my space. And quiet. I tell ya, the best family trip we did (with my siblings and their families) my mom got us all hotel rooms. We had our own quiet room and space. But we still got together and did stuff together, it was great! But anyways, this last trip I felt my weakness.
I just felt a little tension between me and my older sister constantly. We would have conversations and we didn't argue about anything, but they just came across as, not super pleasant. They didn't feel good. Now sure we're siblings and the great things about siblings is you don't have to worry about offending them, ha, is that wrong. You know what I mean. You can openly complain about things that are bothering you without worrying they're going to think you're a completely negative person. You can be honest. Be yourself.
So on the third day we were talking and she was complaining about the rental car she had. It was a big suburban and she had requested a mini van. She has 4 kids, the oldest I think is like 6, is that bad I don't know how old my nephew is, ha. Anyway. She was saying, "It's TOO big! I hate it! Even if I had all the money in the world I wouldn't want one of these!" Now, I love mini vans. But I can see with soon-to-be 5 kids, 4 of them boys, when they are all teenagers it will be pretty tight and uncomfortable for them. Luggage space isn't very big for longer trips. So I can see benefits and one day might consider a bigger suv than a mini van. So with these thoughts in my head, my response to her was, "You don't think you'd want one when your boys are all teenagers?!" To me, her response, I would never want one seemed absurd she would never consider it, especially because she has 3 boys, 4 kids, that's 6 people. I don't know. But apparently she did not like my response so she said, "Ugh. I feel like you are always yelling at me when you talk!"
... I didn't have a response. I wasn't angry at her at all. I wasn't trying to yell at her. I thought, 'Don't you see the benefits of having a bigger car?!' Now, we didn't argue. We just moved on, but it kind of bothered me because I realized, she has been thinking that all week about me. I'm always yelling at her. I'm always angry. And I wasn't. To be told you're doing something, you're not intentionally trying to do is kind of upsetting. Now true, I am pregnant, completely miserable, so my tones may be more negative than I realize I'm doing, but you get my point.
So on our drive home I was talking to Jack about it. Why does she think I'm always mad? And then he [politely] agreed with her. 'Well, you do kind of seem like you're mad all the time.' And he tried to give me some communication tips. It's just crazy the things you say can have such different impressions. I really don't pay attention to what I say or how people are responding to it. If I don't think I'm trying to be mean I don't worry about it. I guess that's not always the best. :) So he said for the rental car situation, 'don't start conversations with a negative, because then it automatically sounds like you are accusing them of something, or trying to convince them of your opinion.' He told me when I talk to people I should ask questions about what they think. Ask questions about them. So for instance instead of my, "You don't think you'd want one when your boys are teenagers?!' he suggested I should have said something like, "Do you think you'd want one when your boys are teenagers?" Then I'm not accusing her of being completely crazy. I'm not trying to convince her that she should want one. Just give her something to think about, let her think about she wants. So simple. Such a different feel.
I don't know if that makes sense. He said something to me right after, and I gave him a dirty look. Like, "What?! Why you saying that?" And then he asked the same question, just wording it differently and I agreed with what he was saying. I of course didn't realize he had just done that until he pointed it out and said, "See what happened there?" He has all sorts of crazy tips like that. So, apparently he is really good at paying attention to what he is saying, how he is saying it, and how people will respond to things. I am not. But it definitely gave me some things to consider and think about and pay more attention to when I talk to people. The way we communicate is important, even if you think, 'I don't care what they think of me," isn't it best to just portray yourself the way you intend?
Monday, November 16, 2015
Monday, November 9, 2015
Teaching Children
I was asked to share a couple thoughts in Relief Society on teaching our children. I only had a couple minutes, and there is so much I felt like I could say, even though, let's face it, you could never guess by looking at my kids that it's important to us. :) Anyway, I wanted to document my thoughts I shared here.
When I think of teaching my kids, there are two main ways we try to do that-structured teaching, and everyday teaching. For each I tried to narrow it into three good ways to do that.
STRUCTURED TEACHING
1. Family Home Evening. #1 easiest (and best) way to teach your kids. You can decide on topics that are important to you or that they need help with. You can study and prepare ahead of time, go into depth and really help them understand the principle, its importance and how to apply with related games/activities, etc. It's the only time of the week we have a clear-set sit down and listen teaching time.
2. Family Scripture. We don't read a lot each night. I'm talking 5-15 verses probably. But we ask a lot of questions (do you know what this word means? what did I just say-in their own words. how do you think you would feel? etc) and they ask a lot of questions in return. It's amazing some of the connections they make and things they think of. So sometimes we go off topic, but have good discussions. By using scripture time as a way to teach not only are you teaching them the stories and princples in the book, but a love for the scriptures and habit to read every day, along with how to think. So many people read the scriptures but don't know how to study. Use this time to teach them how to apply principles and ask questions about what they're reading.
3. Family Dinner. It's a good conversational bonding time. But especially on Sundays its a great time to teach. We always ask our kids what they learned in class because let's be honest, kids sometimes mix things up in their heads or come away with something completely wrong. Jack teaches for a living and gets some angry calls from parents on him teaching false doctrine (that he clearly doesn't do). But Noah came home last week from school and told me they learned to 'pop drugs. not popcorn.' I asked him 3 times before he realized he was saying it wrong. So make sure they understand the things they are taught. See if they have questions and help them learn it a little deeper.
EVERYDAY TEACHING
1. Family Rules. We don't have a lot of rules in our house, but we use the principles in the Family Proclamation as our rules. They are up on our wall and every night before we got to bed we say a little cheer. We put our hands in together and shout "Faith. Prayer. And Repentance. Love. Respect. And Forgiveness. Then comes Work. And Compassion. Finally Wholesome Recreation!... Manis Family Rules!" ('cause we rule, and they're our rules, get it? :) Our kids are young and think it's great, but we constantly remind them and apply those 'rules.' When they are fighting, 'hey, are you showing love?' When they are holding a grudge from their brother that stole something but apologized, 'hey, which one of our family rules do you need to work on?' Whining about work...'Manis Family...(works!)' etc. I mean, they are always there. And we don't have some big lecture or lesson, it's a simple reminder (though sometimes we do spend more time on it). It's a great way we use to always teach and have them apply.
2. Example. Pretty basic. We are always taught to teach by example and kids are especially observant. When I get out the vacuum, Elsie goes and grabs her little walker to push around the house with me. They mimic everything they see and hear. So just be really cautious about what you are saying, how you are saying it (tone, positive, etc), what you are watching and listening to. For a little while I started a season of Amazing Race. I like to see places around the world and it was just an easy, 'have on tv while i'm folding laundry show.' But, it's a reality show, and stressful for the contestants. Therefore, they were using the Lord's name in vain frequently. I didn't really notice how often it was until my little on (whom I've taught we don't say that) says, 'Mom. Why do you watch this if they always say that?' Oh. If I'm teaching it's wrong, and voluntarily letting it in my house I guess that's counterproductive. Acts. Language. Media.
3. Conversation with kids. This doesn't have to be anything big. But look for ways teach in your conversation. One thing I do is every night I ask my kids what their favorite part of the day is. They don't think I'm teaching them anything when I do this. But my secret goal by having these bedtime conversations with them is to learn how to be optomistic, look for the good things in their day and have gratitude. I've tried asking them when they get home from school when they talk about their day to ask if they helped anyone. How great is it if they know I'm going to ask them every day so they start looking for ways to serve - held the door open, picked up a pencil someone dropped, shared a snack, etc. And Dad does interviews with the kids about once a month. It is a great time for him to talk to them one-on-one and see how they're doing. He's not 'teaching' them, but if they have questions or are struggling with something it's a safe and comfortable time for them to bring things up.
So that's what I shared on teaching kids, but I decided to close with a final thought, to learn for yourself! It's great to teach kids. But if you're not constantly teaching yourself, you're not going to be in the best position to teach them.
LAST, LEARN FOR YOURSELF
For me, it is hard to be motivated to 'learn.' I don't go to school. I haven't had a 'teaching calling' since I've been married. So I never prepare primary, yw or rs lessons. I just found myself never really studying anything and it got depressing. So... I decided to get more active in this! Have a blog or journal where you write insights you have. Or pick a topic you want to study and write up a little 'devotional' thing for it. It has helped me read a lot more Ensign articles, scriptures, and look for lessons I learn from life.
Second, if you're married, take advantage of your spouse. Jack studies scriptures for his prep, then teaches them all day long, then does his personal study, and then does family study. So when I was kind of adamant we have couple scripture study too, he was a little burned out from it. So, we try to do a 'couple study' every night and take turns who's in charge. And we vary it a lot. But it still allows us to think and talk and get insights from eachother. Some ideas and things we do are watch a conference talk, prepare a little devotional from a scripture you read, share a thought from the ensign article, mormon messages, and there are lots of story, quote or daily thought/scripture books. I love Packer's book that gives little stories. Maxwell has a good one too. Just learn from eachother.
So anyway, I think learning and teaching is important and it's a skill I continue to try to improve on with myself and implementing with our kids.
When I think of teaching my kids, there are two main ways we try to do that-structured teaching, and everyday teaching. For each I tried to narrow it into three good ways to do that.
STRUCTURED TEACHING
1. Family Home Evening. #1 easiest (and best) way to teach your kids. You can decide on topics that are important to you or that they need help with. You can study and prepare ahead of time, go into depth and really help them understand the principle, its importance and how to apply with related games/activities, etc. It's the only time of the week we have a clear-set sit down and listen teaching time.
2. Family Scripture. We don't read a lot each night. I'm talking 5-15 verses probably. But we ask a lot of questions (do you know what this word means? what did I just say-in their own words. how do you think you would feel? etc) and they ask a lot of questions in return. It's amazing some of the connections they make and things they think of. So sometimes we go off topic, but have good discussions. By using scripture time as a way to teach not only are you teaching them the stories and princples in the book, but a love for the scriptures and habit to read every day, along with how to think. So many people read the scriptures but don't know how to study. Use this time to teach them how to apply principles and ask questions about what they're reading.
3. Family Dinner. It's a good conversational bonding time. But especially on Sundays its a great time to teach. We always ask our kids what they learned in class because let's be honest, kids sometimes mix things up in their heads or come away with something completely wrong. Jack teaches for a living and gets some angry calls from parents on him teaching false doctrine (that he clearly doesn't do). But Noah came home last week from school and told me they learned to 'pop drugs. not popcorn.' I asked him 3 times before he realized he was saying it wrong. So make sure they understand the things they are taught. See if they have questions and help them learn it a little deeper.
EVERYDAY TEACHING
1. Family Rules. We don't have a lot of rules in our house, but we use the principles in the Family Proclamation as our rules. They are up on our wall and every night before we got to bed we say a little cheer. We put our hands in together and shout "Faith. Prayer. And Repentance. Love. Respect. And Forgiveness. Then comes Work. And Compassion. Finally Wholesome Recreation!... Manis Family Rules!" ('cause we rule, and they're our rules, get it? :) Our kids are young and think it's great, but we constantly remind them and apply those 'rules.' When they are fighting, 'hey, are you showing love?' When they are holding a grudge from their brother that stole something but apologized, 'hey, which one of our family rules do you need to work on?' Whining about work...'Manis Family...(works!)' etc. I mean, they are always there. And we don't have some big lecture or lesson, it's a simple reminder (though sometimes we do spend more time on it). It's a great way we use to always teach and have them apply.
2. Example. Pretty basic. We are always taught to teach by example and kids are especially observant. When I get out the vacuum, Elsie goes and grabs her little walker to push around the house with me. They mimic everything they see and hear. So just be really cautious about what you are saying, how you are saying it (tone, positive, etc), what you are watching and listening to. For a little while I started a season of Amazing Race. I like to see places around the world and it was just an easy, 'have on tv while i'm folding laundry show.' But, it's a reality show, and stressful for the contestants. Therefore, they were using the Lord's name in vain frequently. I didn't really notice how often it was until my little on (whom I've taught we don't say that) says, 'Mom. Why do you watch this if they always say that?' Oh. If I'm teaching it's wrong, and voluntarily letting it in my house I guess that's counterproductive. Acts. Language. Media.
3. Conversation with kids. This doesn't have to be anything big. But look for ways teach in your conversation. One thing I do is every night I ask my kids what their favorite part of the day is. They don't think I'm teaching them anything when I do this. But my secret goal by having these bedtime conversations with them is to learn how to be optomistic, look for the good things in their day and have gratitude. I've tried asking them when they get home from school when they talk about their day to ask if they helped anyone. How great is it if they know I'm going to ask them every day so they start looking for ways to serve - held the door open, picked up a pencil someone dropped, shared a snack, etc. And Dad does interviews with the kids about once a month. It is a great time for him to talk to them one-on-one and see how they're doing. He's not 'teaching' them, but if they have questions or are struggling with something it's a safe and comfortable time for them to bring things up.
So that's what I shared on teaching kids, but I decided to close with a final thought, to learn for yourself! It's great to teach kids. But if you're not constantly teaching yourself, you're not going to be in the best position to teach them.
LAST, LEARN FOR YOURSELF
For me, it is hard to be motivated to 'learn.' I don't go to school. I haven't had a 'teaching calling' since I've been married. So I never prepare primary, yw or rs lessons. I just found myself never really studying anything and it got depressing. So... I decided to get more active in this! Have a blog or journal where you write insights you have. Or pick a topic you want to study and write up a little 'devotional' thing for it. It has helped me read a lot more Ensign articles, scriptures, and look for lessons I learn from life.
Second, if you're married, take advantage of your spouse. Jack studies scriptures for his prep, then teaches them all day long, then does his personal study, and then does family study. So when I was kind of adamant we have couple scripture study too, he was a little burned out from it. So, we try to do a 'couple study' every night and take turns who's in charge. And we vary it a lot. But it still allows us to think and talk and get insights from eachother. Some ideas and things we do are watch a conference talk, prepare a little devotional from a scripture you read, share a thought from the ensign article, mormon messages, and there are lots of story, quote or daily thought/scripture books. I love Packer's book that gives little stories. Maxwell has a good one too. Just learn from eachother.
So anyway, I think learning and teaching is important and it's a skill I continue to try to improve on with myself and implementing with our kids.
Monday, November 2, 2015
Missionary Work
This last month I was able to experience missionary work on multi-levels. My baby sister got home from her mission in Mexico. The very next day I was able to go with my family to the temple to see her be baptized by my dad for my grandma.
Now my grandma holds a special place in my hart. she was a giving, loving lady who cared for my aunt by herself after she was diagnosed very young with alzeheimers. It was no easy task and when my aunt got really bad, my grandma decided to move to Las Vegas to be closer to my mom who could help. My aunt took a turn for the worse and within days after arriving, passed away. Those last couple days my grandma watched my aunt strapped down to a hospital bed, kicking and screaming. My grandma felt extreme guilt for moving down. but when my sister and I were able to do my aunt's initiatory and endowment a couple years ago and my sister relayed her experience to my grandma, my grandma in awe said, "Wait. What day and time did you do that?" And my grandma swelled with emotion saying she had a clear feeling that Leslie was okay and happy at the same time.
So when my mom asked me to take my Grandma's name to the temple to receive her endowment, since I was named after her, I was so excited. It was such a special moment, to feel of my own grandmother's happiness when that time came. The happiness the gospel brings is real. And it continues to grow. Minutes later I sat, with my parents, siblings, and their spouses in a sealing room. I witnessed my grandma be sealed to her parents, then my grandma and grandpa sealed to eachother, and my mother (and aunt by proxy) sealed to their parents.
The sealing power brings a spirit that is like no other. It is powerful and it is real. I have a testimony of the temple. It is a house of the Lord where we can go to feel of our Heavenly Father's spirit on a new plane. There is a closeness to the other side of the veil. And through the priesthood, we take part in saving ordinances that are essential to live with our families forever and Heavenly Father again.
I am in awe what missionary work can do. I look at my mom, and that because someone shared the gospel with her, she was able to marry my father in the temple. Myself and my kids now have the truth in our lives. Plus my siblings. And their kids. I sat in the temple looking at all of us. And we make a pretty good crowd! It doesn't stop there. My kids' kids and so on. And even family that has already passed on get to receive the blessings. There is no bounds for missionary work. We can all take part in it.
Last Sunday our bishop wanted the ward to sing "Army of Helaman" as the closing song. I've always loved that song. And hearing a whole ward sing it was fun. It was loud. And powerful. And 'we are as the Army of Helaman... We will be the Lord's missionaries to bring the world his truth." We can all be missionaries and we are building an army to serve the Lord. I love that thought and know the Lord's side will win. Christ will come again and the righteous will be victorious. I am happy to be on his side and want to be a valiant, strong member.
One last thought, I recently finished reading "Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe" to my kids. So we watched the movie this last weekend. And man, even before our ward sang that song or I had this 'army' image in my head, I was so overcome with emotion before that battle starts. Peter on his horse. His army loud and cheering and confident, despite the fact it seemed like there was no way they could win. That wickedness was strong. It was powerful. The numbers were huge. And it seemed like it would overtake them. But that didn't stop them from trying their best. They all shout, "For Narnia! For Aslan!" And I just had that urge in me, I need to be like that! I can't get depressed about the wickedness of the world and the way it looks like it is going. Because, Christ will come. With that extra army, to trump wickedness and righteous will be victorious. Until that time comes. I will be valiant. I will proudly stand for righteousness. Read the book. Watch the movie. I love the parallels in it. :)
Anyway, let's be missionaries. For our family. Friends. And ancestors.
Now my grandma holds a special place in my hart. she was a giving, loving lady who cared for my aunt by herself after she was diagnosed very young with alzeheimers. It was no easy task and when my aunt got really bad, my grandma decided to move to Las Vegas to be closer to my mom who could help. My aunt took a turn for the worse and within days after arriving, passed away. Those last couple days my grandma watched my aunt strapped down to a hospital bed, kicking and screaming. My grandma felt extreme guilt for moving down. but when my sister and I were able to do my aunt's initiatory and endowment a couple years ago and my sister relayed her experience to my grandma, my grandma in awe said, "Wait. What day and time did you do that?" And my grandma swelled with emotion saying she had a clear feeling that Leslie was okay and happy at the same time.
So when my mom asked me to take my Grandma's name to the temple to receive her endowment, since I was named after her, I was so excited. It was such a special moment, to feel of my own grandmother's happiness when that time came. The happiness the gospel brings is real. And it continues to grow. Minutes later I sat, with my parents, siblings, and their spouses in a sealing room. I witnessed my grandma be sealed to her parents, then my grandma and grandpa sealed to eachother, and my mother (and aunt by proxy) sealed to their parents.
The sealing power brings a spirit that is like no other. It is powerful and it is real. I have a testimony of the temple. It is a house of the Lord where we can go to feel of our Heavenly Father's spirit on a new plane. There is a closeness to the other side of the veil. And through the priesthood, we take part in saving ordinances that are essential to live with our families forever and Heavenly Father again.
I am in awe what missionary work can do. I look at my mom, and that because someone shared the gospel with her, she was able to marry my father in the temple. Myself and my kids now have the truth in our lives. Plus my siblings. And their kids. I sat in the temple looking at all of us. And we make a pretty good crowd! It doesn't stop there. My kids' kids and so on. And even family that has already passed on get to receive the blessings. There is no bounds for missionary work. We can all take part in it.
Last Sunday our bishop wanted the ward to sing "Army of Helaman" as the closing song. I've always loved that song. And hearing a whole ward sing it was fun. It was loud. And powerful. And 'we are as the Army of Helaman... We will be the Lord's missionaries to bring the world his truth." We can all be missionaries and we are building an army to serve the Lord. I love that thought and know the Lord's side will win. Christ will come again and the righteous will be victorious. I am happy to be on his side and want to be a valiant, strong member.
One last thought, I recently finished reading "Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe" to my kids. So we watched the movie this last weekend. And man, even before our ward sang that song or I had this 'army' image in my head, I was so overcome with emotion before that battle starts. Peter on his horse. His army loud and cheering and confident, despite the fact it seemed like there was no way they could win. That wickedness was strong. It was powerful. The numbers were huge. And it seemed like it would overtake them. But that didn't stop them from trying their best. They all shout, "For Narnia! For Aslan!" And I just had that urge in me, I need to be like that! I can't get depressed about the wickedness of the world and the way it looks like it is going. Because, Christ will come. With that extra army, to trump wickedness and righteous will be victorious. Until that time comes. I will be valiant. I will proudly stand for righteousness. Read the book. Watch the movie. I love the parallels in it. :)
Anyway, let's be missionaries. For our family. Friends. And ancestors.
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