Personal Revelation

Well, since my new determination to use this blog more, my efforts are to make it a journal with different experiences I have, things I've learned, or am studying. You know, not every day life but hopefully an insight to my life as well as lessons we can all learn from the gospel of Jesus Christ. I think I'll enjoy looking back at this time in my life, and maybe my kids will too when they're big...

So I've entered a new stage in life. After I graduated High School I went to college, then got married, worked, had kids, and now that my husband has a career and we own a home we are no longer 'unsettled.' Let's face it, before you get to this point you constantly meet new people, move 100 times, okay, maybe not that much. But lots of things seem to always be changing and the people you are around are basically the same way.

Well, we've lived here for almost a year and a half. My baby is over a year and a half. I've had the same calling for almost a year and a half. It is strange. And kind of hard. I've never had that before, ever. I keep waiting for a change. I feel like I'm getting bored of the same thing every day. And right now, I'm not real sure how to fix it.

But as I laid in bed discouraged last night, I realized the only thing I can do is to pray. Not pray that I will enjoy it, or be happier, but what I can do, so that I will enjoy it more. Some things aren't going to change any time soon. We're not moving. I'm not getting released. A new baby doesn't show up the next day. And all that is okay, I don't need those things to change, but I need to find out what I should be doing so that I don't feel like I'm in a mundane routine. Heavenly Father will help me. I am looking forward to this challenge. I'm not the best at receiving personal revelation, and it will be good for me. Continue in scripture study and prayer asking and looking for an answer. I'll let you know what I come to. :)

On the lds.org website you can find under the definition of revelation - "According to our faithfulness, we can receive revelation to help us with our specific personal needs, responsibilities, and questions and to help us strengthen our testimony."

1 Corinthians 2:12 - "Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God."

No Motivation.... Why?

Lately there have been a few things that I think I should do, or know I should do, but just don't do them. I can't get myself to actually do it.

Some things are like taking vitamins. When you're trying to get pregnant, or are pregnant, you should take vitamins right? Well, I've never been good at that and didn't with my 2 kids. Occasionally, but not faithful at all and they are healthy as can be. This last pregnancy... took them every day. And it ended in miscarriage. So naturally, vitamins cause miscarriage. I know this is silly, but something is holding me back from doing it. Fear.

Other things are like making reminder calls for my calling in church. I'm primary secretary and like to call on Wednesday or Thursday to remind the kids' parents they are giving a talk or scripture the next week. The last couple weeks Wednesday comes and goes. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and every day I think, I need to call them. But don't. Why?! Then Sunday comes and I get all nervous they may have forgotten and I should have called to remind them. Stupid.

So how come I don't have this motivation? I was complaining to my husband asking him to help me and why I've been like this. He simply said Satan.

Ugh. Really? I guess so. Yep. Fear comes from Satan. Fear in the sense of lacking faith. And not fulfilling my calling. It makes me feel crummy about myself, and I guess that is Satan's goal. So now that I know Satan is the one 'making' me like this and enjoying it, I need to change.

Marion G. Romney said in a talk entitled Satan-the Great Deceiver that Satan is the father of lies. To believe them is to surrender to him. He talks about 2 lies in particular (there is no God & Satan is not real), but not acknowledging there is a devil can be damaging. He says "such surrender has always led, is leading now, and will continue to lead men to destruction."

Other excerpts from his talk-

During the vision given to Moses, the Lord said:

"...because...Satan rebelled against me, and sought to destroy the agency of mean, which I, the Lord God, had given him, and also, that I should give unto him mine own power; by the power of mine Only Begotten, I caused that he should be cast down. And he became Satan, yea, even the devil, the father of all lies, to deceive and to blind men, and to lead them captive at his will, even as many as would not hearken unto my voice." (Moses 4:3-4).

Satan is evil: totally and always. He ever seeks to defeat the gospel plan and "destroy the souls of men." (D&C 10:27).

"... he persuadeth no man to do good, no, no one; neither do his angels; neither do they who subject themselves unto him." (Moroni 7:17).

Just reading through some of these scriptures reminds me of Satan's whole desire is to take away our agency, destroy the souls of men, no man to do good, and become subject to him. Reading through it really motivated me to be on guard and make sure I don't fall into temptation to any of his lies.

Pioneer Day

Another Pioneer Day has come and gone. This year I'm serving in the Primary and have gotten to hear pioneer songs for a few weeks. They are in my head a lot and this has helped me in my daily actions think more about pioneers and appreciate all the sacrifices they made even more. Especially when I got bit by a spider and found only little relief from ice water and tylenol-something pioneers didn't have.

We've done some pioneer activities lately too. A week ago we were able to visit the Mormon Batallion in Old Town San Diego. I encourage everyone to go if they're in the area. It is a great presentation and the spirit testified to me a couple times of their faith and trust in the Lord, obedience in following the prophet, and hard work they did. I love getting a glimpse of what it would be like to live then. It increases my testimony and I feel closer to them.

In Primary the theme for the month has been on the temples and one week we focused on the first temples in the Latter-Days. We can learn so much from the pioneers as we study their lives and sacrifices. How difficult it was for the people to build the Kirtland temple-the women smashing china so the temple would be beautiful, men staying up all night to protect it from people wanting to destroy it, and so many other hardships they faced in their effort to build a House of God. I am amazed at the dedication of Brigham Young in getting as many saints to the temple before leaving Nauvoo. He went home just once a week and only got 4 hours of sleep a night. He knew the Saints needed the protection and strength from receiving their temple blessings before making their trek west. I felt their love and determination. We need to have that same attitude and make whatever sacrifices needed to get to the temple as often as we can.

Lastly we hiked the Temple Quarry trail here in St. George. We left about 10 am. About 5 minutes in our oldest started complaining. He was hot. And too tired to walk. It was hot. Like really hot. But I loved walking the trail thinking about the pioneers. They were here. Not only did they leave Nauvoo to go west. Their effort to follow God never stopped. When they arrived it was continuous hard work as they began building temples once again. There were no tools or transportation like we have today. It was hot. With no relief of an air conditioning or ice cold drink. We carried our boys and sang as we walked. I felt great love and appreciation for the pioneers (as well as love and appreciation for living today and not back then! :) After finishing the trail we went to the temple and admired its beauty and workmanship. We saw the cannon used to pound the lava rock into the ground to have a sure foundation. It was a wonderful day.

On the evening of Pioneer Day we watched some church history clips and heard President Hinckley, President Monson, and President Faust testify of the pioneers. Their testimony brings the spirit of truth. I am grateful for the pioneers and living prophets today.

House of Order

When I was visiting my grandparents a couple weeks ago I got to talk with my Grandma and hear some of her isms. She likes to share these, and though some of them I think, 'Grandma, you are crazy!' like when she says parents should potty train their kids by the time they are 6 weeks old, some things I like to hear what she has to say.

I like the idea of documenting what my Grandma believed in so I decided to dedicate a post to having 'a house of order.' Her rant came when talking about parents that eat dinner at different times every day and keep their kids up really late and don't have routine in their life. She said 'kids need a routine. And Heavenly Father told us we need to have a house of order. That means not having a chaotic life.' She believes kids will be better disciplined, well-behaved when they have order. And that is something worth thinking about.

President Monson quoted a philosopher in a First Presidency Message given in October 1999 titled Building Your Eternal Home stating, "consistency, thou art a jewel." In the same talk he tells us Jesus taught, "Behold, mine house is a house of order, ... and not a house of confusion." -Doctrine & Covenants 132:8. Obviously consistency and order, while avoiding confusion, are important aspects in building an eternal home.

When we got married our stake president gave us a little plaque with a scripture found in Doctrine & Covenants 88:119. It was given through the Prophet Joseph Smith at Kirtland, Ohio, December 27, 1832, where the Master counseled, "Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God." - D&C 88:119

I would love in the future to highlight how we can make our homes these things, but for now, my goal is making sure I keep my house a house of order. President Monson encouraged us to "provide time for family, time for work, time for study, time for service, time for recreation, time for self-but above all, time for Christ."

Our family makes sure we make time for these things. And I think it works best when we designate a time for each of these things and let our kids get excited about it. For instance, they know about 7:00 pm we are going to read scriptures and say prayer as a family. It is time for family, a time for study, and time for Christ. We have a prayer wheel that Noah loves to turn to see who's turn it is. He loves piling on each other after prayer for family hug where we all get stuck to each other like honey. He likes hopping to bed as I sing the song my dad used to sing to me. It is these routines that allow our house to be a house of order where the spirit resides.

Some things might not be as much of a daily ritual, but we make sure there is order. When we discipline, we are consistent so they know exactly what we expect and what the consequences are. If Dad comes home from work and the house isn't all cleaned up yet, he becomes captain and calls for all squabs on deck. The boys love getting their orders and calling out, "aye aye sir!" with fingers to forehead as they run around or march putting toys away. There is time for work, without confusion, and the kids appreciate it.

Cheryl Esplin, 2nd counselor in the Primary Presidency, mentioned in an Ensign article titled Mine House is a House of Order, "Heavenly Father has given parents the responsibility to teach and care for their children with love and kindness. He has given children the responsibility to obey and honor their parents. Heavenly Father wants every member of the family to work together to make his or her home a happy, peaceful place where the Spirit can be." I think as we remember to try to make our homes a 'house of order' we will be able to create that.

Little Confirmations

I really liked that the topic my brother received for his homecoming talk was on filling our lives with good things. You'll remember that is something I have been thinking about lately and wanting to do more of.

On Sunday I was able to go to Relief Society and the lesson was on journal writing. That too, is something I have been thinking about and wanting to improve on.

For me I felt little confirmations that the goals that I have set right now are good things and I need to continue moving forward with them. It feels good to know my Heavenly Father is happy with me and what I am doing.

I think we can have those little confirmations more often in our lives. I realized as I looked back at my brother's email he heard Heavenly Father say thank you in return to him. We can know if our sacrifices, our goals, and our actions are acceptable to God. I decided I need to ask more in my prayers before I make decisions, during, and after. When I was studying this a little bit I came across a talk given by Elder John H. Groberg titled "What Are You Doing Here?" given in 1979 at a BYU Devotional.

It started with a scripture found in 2 Nephi 32:9

"But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that they performance may be for the welfare of they soul."

That is perfect. Elder Groberg reinforced it by saying "that is powerful doctrine. It is powerful because it is true. Everything we do should be done for the Lord; and we ought to make sure that it is what he wants us to do." I agree. :) And it's easy to think something is not important, or it doesn't apply when doing this, but in Doctrine & Covenants 29:34 we learn "all things are spiritual to the Lord." So we definitely should be including Heavenly Father in all our actions and He will help us know what we should be doing, and if he is pleased with what we accomplish.

So what is a way to help us do that? Elder Groberg said in our quest to discover our callings in life, the first and foremost thing we can do is follow the Savior. Learn of him. Learn what he did, then do it. He gives 5 helps to improve our relationship with the Savior.

1. Get yourself worthy and keep yourself worthy to honestly hold a temple recommend.

2. Get a patriarchal blessing and study it often, carefully and prayerfully.

3. Read the scriptures prayerfully each day.

4. Pray diligently and fervently at least every night and every morning.

5. Start doing something...

It's a great talk and he goes more into depth on how these things can help. Regarding the last point he says,

"I remember reading a poster once that said, 'A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are made for.' I think that applies to our lives. We may pass through troubled times, but if we constantly seek nothing but physical security, we're probably not doing what we should. We need to seek the spiritual security of knowing we are doing the Lord's will. Sometimes that will not give us all the physical security we may desire, but it will give us all we need."

One last scripture found in 2 Nephi 32:1,3

"And now, behold, my beloved brethren, I suppose that ye ponder somewhat in your hearts concerning which ye should do after ye have entered by the way. But behold, why do ye ponder these things in your hearts? ... Wherefore, ... feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do."

I know I want to know I am doing the Lord's will. I have felt those little confirmations before and I would love to have those more in my life. I know as I look for those confirmations and work to develop my relationship with Christ and include Him more in my life I will have a better idea on what things I should be doing and have the peace, faith, assurance, and motivation to keep moving forward.

Believing Heart

Sometimes my heart still aches when I think that I'm not going to get a new baby to fill our home in a couple months. My younger sister is pregnant. Our little boys are only about a month apart, and the one she is pregnant with was only going to be about a week and half younger than mine, before I miscarried. One night while I was visiting I watched our little boys play together and it was SO cute. I kept wishing our next kids would have been like that. That night I cried.

I still get those moments when attention is given to someone pregnant and I feel neglected. Or I read a blog of a friend who is pregnant talking about her thoughts and I just wish I could be saying and feeling the same thing, but instead I feel a sense of loneliness. Other times it is overhearing people talking about how crazy or hard it is to have kids so close in age, but my hope is that mine were. And there are those that do it and talk about their experiences and I want to be like them. They are admirable to me. I wonder, am I not strong enough to handle it?

If it was up to me, I would be having a baby in September, and it hurts that I am not... but at the same time, I am so glad it's not up to me. Sometimes I do wish I knew why it wasn't right at that time, but as I was reading a talk recently some othings stuck out to me that I could relate to my experience. It is titled Is Yours a Believing Heart by Bruce C. Hafen in 1974.

It mentions the way Christ entered this world. He could have born under amazing circumstances that people would know he was the Son of God, instead of being born in a lowly stable. He says, "It was all part of a plan carefully and deliberately designed not to compel belief. Further indications of the deliberateness of that plan appear throughout the accounts of the Savior's life. Frequently he told those who were blessed by a miracle that they "should tell no man what was done." (Luke 8:56, also Mattthew 8:4)

When I read this I thought, I don't need to know why it happened, I just need to believe that there is a reason. Of course it would be easier to trust in the Lord if I knew the reason. In essence, Christ is doing miracles, I just don't know what they are yet.

Brother Hafen also says,

"A key reason for the Lord's unwillingness to compel our belief may be found in those scriptural phrases about doing the will of the Father and "receiving him."Something happens to people who receive him-who do his will. They learn. They develop Christlike capacities and skills beyond the reach of other men. Following his will changes them. These changes do not happen to those who merely see the sign or hear the word. Such changes in character and spirit do not happen without our active, voluntary participation. Thus, by being believing, by receiving the Lord, and by following him, the process of becoming like him is set into motion. That is a point he does not want us to miss."

I like that a lot. It is through believing in Him we can become like Him. We can't reach that on our own.

The last part of his talk which I really liked is-

God is close, so available to those who have ears to hear and eyes to see. In Jacob's dream about the ladder reaching to heaven, with angels ascending and descending it, he saw God standing at the top of the ladder saying, "I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest." And then Jacob awoke and said, "Surely the Lord is in this place: and I knew it not." (Gen 28:13-16). ... He is closer to us individually than most of us have any idea. The Lord is here, and who knows it? The faithful, those who are willing to be believing, because their greatest desire is to find him and serve him. When he is there, they know it.

...

Yet the real confirmation, the actual realization of his having been there, often comes later-the harvest of those early decisions to be believing. "...On the good ground are they, which in an honest and good heart, having heard the word, keep it, and bring forth fruit with patience." (Luke 8:15). After a few seasons of such harvesting, and of doing what believers do, the faithful, believing heart becomes more and more a knowing heart."

I think it is such beautiful imagery to have angels around us. Are my ears and eyes opened? A believing heart will feel that strength and know He is there with us. And sometimes that confirmation will come later, after we prove we are believing when it may be difficult. It is the the fruit of our patience. Some day perhaps I will know the reason why, but until then, I can believe and know there is a reason and that God is with me. With that, I can become like Christ.

Missionary Experiences

My brother just returned home from his 2 year mission in Minneapolis, Minnesota for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Just before he came home he was able to baptize a family he worked with for almost his entire mission. His email for the week before read

THE SALDANA'S ARE GETTING BAPTIZED!!!!

on the very first line. Huge, capital letters with exclamation points. It was so fun to see because he loves this family so much and was so, SO excited for them. We too had been praying for this family and got to see our prayers answered. It made me feel so happy that missionaries are able to go all around the world to preach the gospel and that they fall in love with the people and countries where they serve. They genuinely want them to receive the gospel and blessings that come from it into their lives and it is an indescribable joy that comes when they do.

The wife had heard a song at a baptism in english, and though she didn't know the words, she had felt the spirit. My brother was able to get her a copy in spanish and as she listened it to the 2nd time she said she had the strong desire to follow its message and said, "Just as you have told me a million times, all the miracles were not coincidences. I knew this was not a coincidence, that God was trying to answer my prayers." She went on to explain how she had realized all the miracles before, but that she just didn't want to see them.

I loved reading this story my brother shared and the testimony that this woman shared. Is God trying to answer our prayers and we're not acknowledging that that is what He is doing?

Well my brother then shared some of his testimony when he wrote-

I have a testimony of small and simple things! That faith truly brings miracles! That the devil will fight you to the end, but if you push a little harder you will always win in the end! I have a testimony of prayer and fasting! I know God will bless you with what you desire most! I have a testimony of testimony! I know that God puts people in our lives for certain reasons! I know a big part of my mission was to convert the Saldanas, and nothing is sweeter than realizing that God is blessing me with the opportunity to see it happen. That night I couldn't sleep, I just laid in bed crying thanking Heavenly Father. Well one of the sweetest moments of my mission is when I felt him say thank you back. Thats what its all about. The work and glory of God is the exact same as mine. It feels good to accomplish something together. They had been investigating for at least 7 years they told us. I had been teaching them for about 16 of my 22 months out in the field. Its about time :)

Well they are getting baptized June 18, so there will be a lot of adversity before that time, so continued prayers will be greatly appreciated.

I can't say how much I loved reading that. My little brother has a testimony of the gospel and has been able to help God with his work for the past 2 years. It is such a wonderful design that as missionaries go out to help other people find the truth, their own testimonies are strengthened and everyone else around them that gets to hear about their experiences.

I am so grateful for the example my brother and the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life.