Love and Care for our Husbands

This month's visiting teaching message was on the Family Proclamation. To be honest I thought, 'ugh, family. I don't want to talk about that.' I guess I'm feeling a little worn out with them. But I think 1,205 times a day how grateful I am that I am not a single mother and that I have a husband by my side to unclog stinky toilets, move heavy boxes and kill scary spiders. I look forward to my time with him every night and am so happy when he comes home to give me a needed break. So initially I thought of the line, "Husbands and wives have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other." I thought, I can teach about that. I love Jack. I think I'm pretty good at that. :)

But then I thought about it a little more when I was trying to decide what exactly I wanted to say. Solemn responsibility to love and care. Sure I love him. I love that I have him by my side. Forever. I don't plan on ever leaving him, obviously. :) I look forward to our future together. But... even though I feel that way, I don't know if I necessarily show that I feel that way. And it took my thoughts back to a General Conference talk I remember liking a lot by Linda K. Burton in the April 2015 Conference.

She starts her talk by saying how much we love to see the apostles and brethren of the church interact with their spouses. She gave a few little quotes where an apostle gushes over his wife. My favorite was from President Boyd K. Packer, speaking of his wife Donna, "Because of the office I hold, I have a solemn obligation to tell the truth: she's perfect." Isn't that great?! We hear that and smile and say, 'That's cute.' But it made me think of how I talk about my husband to other people. I think too often I fear that if I say anything positive I'm bragging. To me, clearly Jack is great, everybody already knows that, so I don't need to say anything, because then I'm just rubbing it in their faces that I have an awesome husband. :) I don't know how that sounds to people. I don't know if people think, "Oh, that's silly." Or if people, think, "Yeah, that's probably true." I just feel like in today's world we hear so much negativity and wives complaining of their husbands I avoid that and think that's good enough. But I think we need to hear the positive things about our husbands. The apostles do it. Clearly President Packer has a pretty awesome wife; I don't think you can have a calling like that unless you have a very supportive wife with a strong testimony and desire to serve and love. But that doesn't keep him from letting people publicly share that he adores his wife and that they have a good, strong marriage.

She then went on to talk about those of us with husbands that hold the priesthood. She gave another quote from President Packer when speaking to worthy husbands and fathers: "You have the power of the priesthood directly from the Lord to protect your home. There will be times when all that stands as a shield between your family and the adversary's mischief will be that power." And followed it up with a quote from Ezra Taft Benson, "Oh, husbands and fathers in Israel, you can do so much for the salvation and exaltation of your families! ... Remember your sacred calling as a father in Israel - your most important calling in time and eternity - a calling from which you will never be released." I love both of those. It really brings to focus how special our husbands are and how much we need to respect them and that office. Again, there is so much in the world of this 'girl power' - I believe in treating women with the same kind of respect, but we can not diminish men to raise ourselves up to their level. Let's acknowledge their strengths and that they can do things, we can not.

She then talked about how we need to work together to lift the rising generation and help them reach their divine potential as heirs of eternal life. I like that because the rest of that sentence in the Family Proclamation is, 'husbands and wives have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other, and their children." By us respecting our husbands and the office they hold we are helping our children and showing love for them. The way we treat our spouses is the way they will expect to be treated/and treat their own spouses. I'm not saying men are better than women, but we've all seen relationships where it's like, 'Oh, mom's the boss in that house' or 'Whatever Dad says goes.' And kids develop that mentality. They need to hear us compliment each other and not demean or constantly 'correct' the other. We work together. As opposites, and equals and I love the analogy she gave of her hands. Our 2 hands look very similar, and they can do similar things, but in reality, they are complete opposites. That is like us and our spouse. And our hands can do so much more and are so much stronger when they work together.

The last part of her talk I loved was a test of sorts to see how we are doing. Five questions we should ask ourselves are -

1. When was the last time I sincerely praised my companion, either alone or in the presence of our children?

2. When was the last time I thanked, expressed love for, or earnestly pleaded in faith for him or her in prayer?

3. When was the last time I stopped myself from saying something I knew could be hurtful?

4. When was the last time I apologized and humbly asked for forgiveness - without adding the words, "but if only you had" or 'but if only you hadn't"?

5. When was the last time I chose to be happy rather than demanding to be 'right'?

Aren't those great? I could expand and share thoughts on all of those questions and things I need to work on, but just contemplate them. I wanted to close with one last thought that came after a Stake Relief Society activity the week I went visiting teaching. President Uchdorf's daughter was coming to speak to us. And I was surprised to see that her mother, Sister Harriet Uchdorf joined her. They turned some time over to her in the meeting for her to share her testimony. And I just fell in love with her. One of the quotes Sister Burton included in her talk I referenced above was from President Uchdorf and what he said of his wife Harriet, "She is the sunshine of my life." I remembered reading that earlier that week and thought it was nice, but actually 'meeting' Harriet and hearing her I just thought, "Yes! I can clearly see that she is the sunshine in his life." She just exudes a happiness and joy in you from being around her and listening to her speak.

So I made the decision I want to be the sunshine in my husband's life. I think it is all too easy to complain to our spouses. We've had long, hard days. And in life we have to be so careful what we say around other people to not offend or whatever it may be, that our spouses are our safe spot. We can say anything to them and know they won't judge us and still love us. But, I just think I need to be careful of that and not make that what I am known for. Because  my husband could probably say I'm the gloomy cloud in his life. :) I just feel so overwhelmed and want to vent and so he gets it. I don't share near enough positives. I saw a quote come up from Elder Holland, "There will always be more blessings than burdens -- even if some days it doesn't seem so." I hope I can see those blessings and share them with my husband and be his sunshine.

Holy Ghost

Sunday was ward conference and our stake president asked us to think about what have our prayers been about recently. What is the thing that we continually go to the Lord for asking for? What is it that we desire or need the most right now?

He then turned to the scripture 3 Nephi 19:9, Jesus appeared to the people in the Americas and it says of all the things they could pray for, "they did pray for that which they most desired: and they desired that the Holy Ghost should be given unto them." He challenged us to consider making that the most important thing we desire and we ask the Lord for daily. He talked about the importance of having the Holy Ghost in our lives. So if that is what we desire the most and realize how much we need it in our lives, what else can we do to ensure we have it with us?

He directed us to the sacrament prayer and the covenant the Lord makes with us. If we do always remember him, we are promised we will always have his spirit with us. Perfect! We have a promise from our Heavenly Father, that he will not break, and we renew that promise every single Sunday. If we try to remember our Heavenly Father and keep commandments, we can have his spirit with us.

Now I have four little kids, so I am sure he said many more great things I can't share, and I can't really convey what I was able to feel, but it was the truth of his words and that I need to have a greater desire to have that Holy Ghost in my life.

That feeling continued through the day when I went to Relief Society (I missed out on Sunday School having to sit in primary with my reluctant Sunbeam), but the lesson was from Howard W. Hunter. The first section is titled, "We must know Christ better than we know Him and remember Him more often than we remember Him." Isn't that what we promise to do in the sacrament prayer? We need to be better at that. It was just another push saying, "Hey, you can always be doing better. Living this way is a sure way to have the Holy Ghost in your life.

The next section in the manual was "Jesus is our only true source of hope and lasting joy." When our Stake President talked he mentioned how happiness is a blessing among those that have the Holy Ghost in their lives. Howard W. Hunter says, "Is there one among us, in any walk of life, who does not need hope and seek for greater joy? These are universal needs and longings of the human soul, and they are the promises of Christ to his followers." Truly it is the Holy Ghost we receive as we remember and follow Jesus that brings us the lasting joy our human soul longs for.

It was a good day to remember the importance, and blessings that come, from having the Holy Ghost with us always. If you want to study more, this is a terrific talk on the Holy Ghost - "The Unspeakable Gift of the Holy Ghost" by Jay E. Jensen.

Little Children

Saturday I was in our toy room, organizing, trying to go through Christmas junk still everywhere (we had been out of town so I wasn't that behind schedule. :) And we got a little fire pit circle thing, I don't know what they're called. I got it out of the box and went to carry it outside when I opened the back door I saw our dog, with a lifeless chicken in his mouth... ???!!! I yelled his name, he dropped the chicken which lay on the ground not moving and I hollered at Ezra to go get Dad. (I don't know what to do in this situation!) Ezra, being the curious boy he is wants to know WHY I want him to get Dad and comes to look outside for the reason of my shock and sees the chicken. He BURSTS into tears and runs calling Jack's name...

Jack came out to what we were sure was a dead chicken. He had me tie up the dog outside, with feathers coming out of his mouth and knowing he was in big trouble fighting me every step of the way. My mind is trying to comprehend the situation. I've heard that dogs that get chickens will just keep going back to them. What are we going to do with Charlie? Do we need to get rid of our chickens? Did he kill it?  How long did he have it? I was just in the next room, how come I didn't hear the chickens screaming or anything?? While my mind is focused on these things, Ezra is just bawling. The poor kid could not stop thinking about that poor chicken and his tender little heart was broken.

Jack went over to it and realized it was not dead, yet. He tried to get it to stand to assess the damage and it just kept falling over to the side. He finally got her to balance and he sat there stroking her feathers while she sat very still, her eyes closed. Ezra wanted to be right by her side so he joined Jack, kneeling, crying, stroking the chicken. We couldn't tell if the neck was broken, leg broken, but Jack thought he should put the poor thing out of her misery. He sent us inside and Ezra's sobs continued. I suggested he say a little prayer. As I sat inside I felt like, we have to give her 24 hours. He can't just kill it. It just went through a traumatic experience, maybe she'll be fine after her shock wears off. And so we agreed.

We got a box to put her in, gave it some food and water and she surprisingly started eating. Now, this may have been an hour after we found her. Ezra went out to check on that chicken continuously and would happily report every bit of news. She's eating! She's standing! She pooped! By the afternoon Jack went out to check on the chicken, who jumped out of the box! She went over to the coop with the other chickens. We watched her that night while all the other chickens got up inside the coop but she stayed out. Jack carried her in, but she hopped out. Well, I guess her feet are fine? That evening he tried again and she stayed in with the chickens. By the next day she seemed completely normal, though we watched her, but you would never guess anything happened.

This experience caused me to reflect on little children, and how much God loves them. I think a prayer from a little boy who turned 6 years old just 2 days prior is much more tender and has a special place in God's heart than ours. That isn't to say he doesn't hear and answer our prayers because I know he does, but our prayers, with perhaps more understanding, usually fall under the, "if this chicken is going to die, please let it die quickly." "Please calm our troubled son's heart." We leave the will up to God. But Ezra was just so intently focused on this chicken and desperately wanted it to live. His prayer was deep with pure intent, even with the little knowledge he has. His faith was strong that God could do anything. He sat by that chicken, cared for that chicken, rejoiced in her little victories. Now if the chicken had died we still could have taught Ezra some valuable lessons, but I think it was a sweet experience for him to learn that God cares about him and answers his prayers.

I can't think on these things without my thoughts going to the Savior and his experience with the little children from the account found in 3 Nephi. He calls all the children over to him and stands in the midst of them. He prays for them and their parents. The scriptures say, "No one can conceive of the joy which filled our souls." (3 Nephi 17:17) It must have been a truly amazing experience to personally hear the Savior pray for you and your child. Afterwards it records:

"And ... he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them. And when he had done this he wept again; And he … said unto them: Behold your little ones. … And they saw the heavens open, and they saw angels descending out of heaven as it were in the midst of fire; and they came down and encircled those little ones about, and they were encircled about with fire; and the angels did minister unto them” (3 Nephi 17: 21-24)

Jay E. Jensen in a talk titled "Little Children and the Gospel" points out that phrase, "one by one." We also see it in 3 Nephi 11 when Jesus first appeared to the people. The multitude goes forth and thrusts their hands into his side and feel the nail prints in his hands and feet, 'one by one' until they had all gone forth. Elder Jensen asks, were children among those? Were they given two opportunities to touch the Savior and be touched by Him? We don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were children with their parents when the Savior came.

We do know for certain the account previously mentioned in chapter 17 which we learn consists of 2500 souls- men, women and children (3 Nephi 17:25). We can only guess of that number several hundred were children, and he took them one by one personally blessing them--something that could have taken hours. It shows to us his great love and interest in little children and it teaches us something how we should treat them as well.

Children aren't always easy. When you're a young mom that is dealing with the constant fighting, whining, laziness, messes, lack of respect for people and possessions, lying, deceiving, scheming. Trust me, my kids are pros at that kind of thing (quick story to show I'm not exaggerating, they will decide on one of them to sneak out the window to go ring the doorbell to distract my attention while the other runs to the pantry to get a package of cookies to hide in their room, they were ages 3 and 5--full of these things). But, too often I let those things cloud my perspective of them and what God truly thinks of them. They are learning. I need to be patient and help teach them to use those clever skills for good. :) And pray daily to see them the way God sees them.